Guessed

The art of the conversation

2010-07-27T23:04:00.001+10:00

Think back to someone with whom you fell in love. Do you remember your first-date conversation? Chances are you may not recall exactly what you talked about, but you remember how the interaction made you feel. Then came love.

When you put your best conversational foot forward, you boost your chances for love. A good conversationalist has more options in love as people are drawn to them. Consider these tips to boost your conversation quotient:

Differences
Recognise overall differences in communication styles between the sexes. According to recent academic research, women are more likely to stay on a single conversation topic, so it’s sometimes up to the man to change the subject. The root of the old chestnut about men never asking for directions when lost is because of their unwillingness to show ignorance. Ladies favor using indirect and suggestive techniques such as, “Are you hungry?” when they would really like to get something to eat. And men, don’t take it personally if she interrupts you: women tend to interrupt more than men.

Body language pointers
If you are interested in your conversation partner, lean toward them when they are talking. It shows your affirmation and interest. Take it up a notch by discretely mirroring or copying their movements on a selected basis. So, if she casually puts her elbow on the bar, you do the same. She’ll feel instant rapport with you whether or not she picks up that you’re mirroring her.

Eyes on the prize
Being a good talker goes hand in hand with good listening. What endears you to your date? Communications expert Leil Lowndes, author of How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships, tells her audiences to consider the “sticky” gaze: Keeping your gaze focused on your conversation partner. Whatever you do, don’t break off eye contact until your partner has finished speaking.

Art of the compliment
According to Lowndes, there are okay compliments and then there are “killer compliments.” These little gems get the undivided attention of their intended recipient because they are delivered privately and are specific. For example, “You look great in purple” is going to be better received than “I like your shirt.” When making a compliment, you’ll show sincerity and indicate your interest in someone when you further the conversation. “That’s great that you study with a weight trainer. It seems good for you” is going to bring out more conversation than the suggestive “You have a great body.” By saying the former line, you’ve left the door open for the recipient to tell more about themselves or the topic at hand.

Smile s-l-o-w-l-y
Lowndes is a fan of not smiling so easily or frequently, something many of us women do, even subconsciously, when it’s first-impression time. Instead, Lowndes advises being stingy with your smiles. When you do smile, break it out slowly. The bonus? You’ll be perceived as being more trustworthy and credible than an ever-smiling person. This slow-to-smile strategy doesn’t work when trying to lure a man in, for example, from across the bar. Here, you need to smile a lot and make eye contact.

Top 10 must-have office gadgets

2010-07-22T20:42:00.004+10:00

Whether state-of-the-art technology or just for fun, you'll never want to leave the office when you have these nifty gadgets at your fingertips.

1. Monitor privacy filters
Hate the thought of the nosey parker in the neighbouring cubicle busting you on Facebook? With a privacy filter, your computer screen is only visible to the person sitting directly in front of it, eliminating the threat of prying eyes. Bonus: filters also reduce glare. See:

2. Bluetooth headphones
Imagine a future without having to untangle earphone cables. Fortunately, a slew of electronics brands are making it a reality, with many styles — including iPod-compatible models.

3. Clear post-it notes
Simply stick these transparent, sticky notes onto the page and go crazy with that highlighter, safe in the knowledge that when you remove the note, the document will remain pristine.

4. A PDA-phone with the mostest
While a Blackberry certainly does the job, there're now loads of PDAs on the market. Consult an expert to find a model that will suit your needs, though check out the Apple iPhone, O2 Xda Atom and Telstra Palm.

5. Three-way mouse
The Japanese arm of Canon is set to launch a "foldable mouse", which promises to combine three gadgets in one: a compact mouse, a calculator and a numeral pad. A must-have for accountants everywhere.

6. USB memory stick
There are memory sticks and there are memory sticks. These storage devices have come a long way in the past few years, with most models now having a 2GB data capacity. Memory cards (the ones made for digital cameras and mobile phones), on the other hand, can store around 8GB.

7. Portable mobile chargers
Battery-powered charging docks can be purchased for most mobile phones. Keep it in your desk drawer, handbag or briefcase for emergencies.

8. Bluetooth toggle
If your computer isn't equipped with Bluetooth technology, plug one of these into its USB port to transfer files between your PC and Bluetooth-enabled mobile.

9. USB air freshener
Stale odour in your office? Plug this gadget into your computer's USB port and relax to the scent of aromatherapy oils. Ahhh.

10. Livescribe Pulse Smartpen
This revolutionary gadget links handwritten notes to live audio (think: meetings). Simply tap the pen on your notes later and the Smartpen will play back exactly what was said and when. The only catch is that you need to use special notebooks, which cost US$20 for a four-pack. And the pen will set you back US$150. But who can put a price on this kind of convenience?

Ten ways to update your work wardrobe

2010-07-22T20:30:00.001+10:00

Spring has arrived so it's time to update your work look. Here are 10 ways to take your office wardrobe into the new season.

1. Work in florals
There's no better time to embrace florals than in spring, and this season floral prints are in full bloom. Add some life to your work clothes with floral printed tops and dresses (capped or short-sleeved versions work best for work wear) and add a lightweight jacket and belt to make them office-ready.

2. Embrace lace
Lace needn't be kept for your lingerie draw; this season the prim fabric is showing up as outerwear. To keep lace looking appropriate in the office, source garments with lace trimming at the collar or sleeves and add a sharp jacket to counteract the sweetness.

3. Add some purple
This regal hue is set to be everywhere this season so inject some brightness into your working world. Purple shades look best teamed with neutral shades, so keep the rest of your outfit (and your make-up) toned down. Don't like the colour? Try orange or emerald green instead.

4. Inject in some ruffles
Ruffles will add some instant style cred to your work wardrobe. Make the look work by balancing ruffles with plainer separates and don't add ruffles to parts of your body you want to keep streamline. Try teaming a Victorian-style ruffle shirt with a pencil skirt and pumps for a dressed-up work look.

5. Invest in a pencil skirts
Pencil skirts are a must-have for any working wardrobe this season. Avoid looking too uptight by adding a V-necked top and long-line necklace, or seek out a coloured or textured version.

6. Accessories with metallics
Metallics have been allowed out during the day this season. But be careful; too much and you'll blind your colleagues. Stick to metallic accessories at work — think belts, bags and shoes.

7. The new sleeveless jacket
With the long line of a jacket and coolness of a vest, this trend is a great addition to your office wardrobe. Try layering one with a sleeveless top and slim-leg trousers.

8. Go sheer
Like lace, sheer fabrics can send off warning bells for the office. But add a base layer and they instantly become workplace-appropriate. So if you have a silk blouse that you're dying to wear to work, make sure you have a camisole to go under it.

9. Add some volume
Volume-heavy silhouettes and quirky shapes (such as puffed sleeves) can be tricky to navigate but they can work for the office. The key is to always team volume with streamline separates. For example, a puffed-up blouse pared with skinny pants and high heels will have you looking sharp.

10. Posh's pixie cut
Victoria Beckham's new dark pixie crop has given short hair renewed life this season. Book an appointment if you dare, but be warned: hair takes more than a season to grow back.

Tips for a good night's sleep

2009-08-23T22:08:00.010+10:00

1. Do: follow a consistent bedtime routine..

2. Don't: have foods or drinks that contain caffeine, as well as any medicine that has a stimulant, prior to bedtime.

3. Do: establish a relaxing setting at bedtime.

4. Don't: go to bed hungry, but don't eat a big meal before bedtime either.

5. Do: make your bedroom quiet, dark and a little bit cool.

6. Don't: do any rigorous exercise within six hours of your bedtime.

7. Do: get up at the same time every morning.

How to cure a hangover

2009-08-10T03:59:00.002+10:00

You had a big night out with the boys and now you feel like you’ve been run over by a steamroller. Your head’s pounding, your mouth is dry, your legs are wobbly and you’re cursing your tequila-wielding mates. There’s no miracle solution to make you feel great, but these tips will help you feel human again.

Hydrate
Why is it that that water seems like a vile substance when you’re hung over? We know it’s hard to stomach, but force down as much as you can.

It’s no secret that alcohol dehydrates you, so even if you don’t feel thirsty, that woozy feeling is in large part due to the fact that you’re parched as, bro.

Another option is a sports drink, which might be easier to stomach than water and is packed with super-hydrating electrolytes.

Eat
You’re probably tempted to have a massive greasy breakfast, which will help settle your stomach, but it can also make you feel more tired and sluggish.

A better solution is to eat some honey – it contains a lot of fructose, which helps break down the alcohol in your stomach faster. Tomato juice is another great source of fructose.

If you still feel like you might not make it through the day, read on...

Take vitamins
B vitamins help metabolise alcohol and can boost your energy levels. A good choice is Berocca, which contains a vitamin B complex and vitamin C.

Avoid caffeine
Coffee and other caffeinated drinks will only make the problem worse because they’ll dehydrate you more. Avoid them if you can or keep them to a minimum if you really need a pick-me-up.

Take painkillers
Although we don’t recommend mixing alcohol and painkillers on a regular basis as it can cause kidney and liver damage, taking two Panadol or Nurofen to make it through a mad hangover once in a while won’t kill you.

Sleep
Sometimes chucking a sickie is a better idea than dragging your sorry ass into work. If you’re lucky enough to have a hangover on a Saturday, what the hell are you doing reading this? Go back to bed!

Why your health is more than skin deep

2009-08-07T20:17:00.002+10:00

A shocking new survey has revealed that most women don’t exercise and eat healthily to stay fit or live longer, they do it because they want to look good.

Eat a healthy diet, exercise five times a week, stay out of the sun, don’t drink too much alcohol, avoid cigarettes… we all know the basic rules of looking after our health, but why do we follow them?

Why do we force ourselves to go to the gym when we really, really don’t want to?

Why do we knock back a vegetable juice when what we actually want is large glass of Pinot Grigio?

The answer to all these questions should of course be, to live a long and happy life, free of disease and other consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle.

But, as recent research shows, the truth is a lot more self-centred: we do it because we want to look good.

A study of UK women found that for the majority, the real motivation behind a healthy lifestyle is to look younger or more attractive.

A massive 87% admitted to making positive lifestyle changes so they can appear younger for as long as possible – while just 40% said they wanted to stay free from ill-health.

Insurance company Aviva commissioned the research, which also found that over half of respondents would choose a slim and toned figure over low cholesterol or stable blood pressure – which could potentially prevent heart disease or strokes.

Shocking figures

The figures relating to smoking were perhaps the most shocking. The motivation to kick a smoking habit should surely be to protect our lungs and avoid cancer, but for most women (74%) it was stained teeth and wrinkles that were the real reason for stubbing out.

Just 49% said they were more concerned with the impact smoking has on their health.

When it comes to booze, 53% claimed that the effect drinking has on their weight or looks is the primary motive for cutting back on alcohol, compared with just 32% who were worried about the impact on their long-term health.

Perhaps less surprisingly, six in ten respondents said that they exercised to lose weight rather than to improve their health and fitness.

Meanwhile, a huge 86% of women said they knew their weight, while just 42% were aware of their blood pressure.

The issue of where to get trustworthy health and fitness advice also came up in the study.

Almost eight in 10 women said they consult celebrity magazines for health and lifestyle advice, compared to 31% who said they seek advice from a medical professional.

Are men more responsible?

So where do men fit into all this? It should come as no surprise that they are less vain than us – 69% of the nation’s men are motivated to eat well and exercise for no other reason than to stay healthy.

Perhaps this explains why, in another recent survey, experts found that women are becoming more beautiful than men.

Dr Doug Wright, from Aviva, warns women that their health is more than skin deep:

“Just because you like what you see in the mirror today, does not mean that an unhealthy lifestyle isn’t actually taking its toll on your long-term health.

“Although you may think that you look healthy on the outside, it’s what’s inside that really counts. Potentially serious conditions such as heart disease and diabetes can often go undetected until it’s too late.

“Regular health checks are the best indicator of wellbeing – and should be more motivating than images in celebrity magazines.

“Leading a healthy lifestyle needn’t be costly or onerous. It’s not just about going to the gym or the latest fad.

"Simply going for a brisk walk, gardening or even shopping all help contribute to improving your fitness.

"Coupling this with a healthy, well-balanced diet can make a real difference to both your looks and long-term health.”

Beat morning dress stress

2009-07-22T23:56:00.002+10:00

Create a 'look book'

When stylists help create "wardrobes" for their clients they'll often spend a day with them putting complete outfits together and taking Polaroids for reference. You don't need a stylist to create a work-look book though. At the beginning of the season, get a friend to help take the photos and spend a day creating top-to-toe outfits — remember to include shoes and accessories, too. Try to create at least 10 looks so you'll have two full weeks of outfits to rotate. That might seem a lot but remember you can mix and match items of clothing (that new shirt, or your favourite tunic dress), as much as you like. Once you have all your outfit photos, stick them to the back of your wardrobe, or compile them in an album for easy morning dressing.

Tidy your wardrobe

If you can see and reach all the clothes in your wardrobe easily, dressing in the morning will be a lot less stressful. Investing in good quality hangers (think wood or sturdy plastic and clip-hangers for pants and skirts) saves on ironing time in the morning because clothes aren't as likely to crease in your cupboard. Men, keep ties stored on tie racks so they don't emerge from the wardrobe a crushed mess.

Be season-specific

A jumble of warm and cold-weather clothes crammed into your wardrobe makes selecting a work outfit a challenge. Try dividing your work wardrobe into winter and summer (some of your staples will work all year round). Taking out those lightweight dresses when winter hits and storing those heavier jumpers during summer will create closet space and make finding the right thing to wear easier. Store items you don't need in another cupboard if you have one, or fold them into airtight plastic tubs or vacuum-seeled bags and pop them under your bed until you need them again.

Be brand loyal

We're not suggesting becoming a slave to one particular brand but it does make good dressing sense to buy a few items from the one store, as brands tend to sell clothes that work together. Ask the store assistants to advise you on what items they recommend pairing, and then consider buying an entire outfit (for example a skirt, jacket and coordinating shirt, or tie and shirt for men). Brands also tend to sell clothes that go with their previous seasons so you'll find matching last year's work clothes with this year's easier if you stick to a few favourite stores.

Keep shoes neat

Shoeboxes may protect your shoes from getting damaged, but they make it hard to find what you're looking for each morning. Try visiting a storage shop for some clever shoe-storage ideas, such as shoe racks or clear shoeboxes for easy selecting. Or try taking a photo of each pair of shoes and tape it to the front of the shoebox. Knowing what you've got means you'll wear all your shoes more often rather than just grab the pair you wore yesterday because you're short on time.

Tips for a better work/life balance

2009-07-22T23:04:00.003+10:00

Work, kids, social and family commitments … are they all getting on top of you? Then it's time to take a step back and put some balance into your life.

Read our top tips for getting your work and home life stress-free and back on the right track.

Look after your health
Your health should always be your number one priority. If you're not in top shape both mentally and physically, it will affect all areas of your life. Stress is one of the biggest causes of poor health. To combat this, get enough sleep, eat regularly and choose healthy options, take time out for relaxation, and exercise at least three times a week.

Take time out for yourself
As much as your work and family takes priority in your life, it's important that you schedule "me time". Taking just one hour, once a week to do something for yourself can do wonders for your wellbeing — and your relationships and career will benefit too.

It doesn't need to be a visit to a day spa (although that's a great idea!) — take a novel to the park and enjoy the outdoors, play a round of golf, visit the gym or go for a long, relaxing walk ... just make sure you get away from it all and give your mind a chance to wander.

Manage your time
Learn how to use your time more effectively — both at work and home. Poor time management can result in a loss of hours and contribute greatly to your stress levels. Enrol in a time management course or implement some simple time management techniques:

create to-do lists and prioritise tasks,
avoid time wasters like surfing the Web and e-mail,
share the load (both at work and home wherever you can),
set yourself time limits and boundaries.

Learn to say "no"
Taking on too many tasks can be to your detriment. Learn to say no to things when there's too much on your plate. This applies to both work and personal events/tasks. Rather than feeling guilty, you'll learn that saying "no" can be really empowering.

Separate work and family life
Australia may be a laid-back nation but as workers, we are working longer and longer hours. And many of us are "addicted to work" and failing to separate our working life from our family life. Is this you?

Learn to turn off the laptop after hours and resist checking your e-mails at all hours of the day and night. Ideally the minute you leave the office, you should leave your working life behind. For many this isn't possible, but be sure to give yourself plenty of "unplugged" time during your weekends and nights — that means no laptop, no e-mail and no mobile phone.

Find a flexible employer
Searching for a new position? More and more employers these days are catering for a more flexible workplace. Look for options like flexible hours, working from home, job sharing, onsite childcare facilities and family-friendly offices.

Use up your annual leave
Most of us are allowed four weeks or more annual leave a year, but rarely take it. Remember, it's there for a reason — to provide you with some much needed R&R.

Take a career break
If work's getting too much and your health's really suffering, taking time out to think about your career and what really matters in your life could be the perfect solution. Use up any outstanding annual leave or enquire about leave without pay. Take a short sabbatical and use the time wisely to evaluate your goals and life plan.

Potato stacks with smoked salmon

2009-05-20T23:25:00.002+10:00

Preparation 10 minutes + 20 minutes salting
Cooking 10 minutes
Serves 4

2 large (500g) potatoes
1 tsp salt
1 Bunch chives, chopped
60g Melted butter
3 tbsp Plain flour
Pepper
Vegetable oil, to shallow fry
4 Eggs
40g Baby spinach leaves
4 Slices smoked salmon

1 Peel and grate the potatoes, then transfer to a colander. Sprinkle with a teaspoon of salt and leave for 20 minutes.
2 Squeeze out as much water as possible and place the potato into a bowl with the chives, butter, flour and a pinch of pepper.
3 Mix thoroughly, then shape into four 8cm-diameter patties.
4 Heat some vegetable oil in a frypan over medium heat, add the potato cakes and cook for four to five minutes each side or until golden brown.
5 Poach the eggs in gently simmering water for three minutes.
6 To serve, top the potato cakes with evenly distributed spinach leaves, a slice of salmon and a soft-poached egg.

Spicy prawn, tomato and fetta stew

2009-05-09T21:30:00.001+10:00

Serving size: Serves 4
Cuisine type: Modern Australian
Cooking time: Less than 30 minutes
Special options: Low Carb, Low fat
Course: Lunch, Main
Favourite flavours: Seafood, Spicy

Try this delicious meal of Spicy prawn, tomato and fetta stew

INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 onion, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, sliced
1 birdseye chilli, finely chopped
400g can diced tomatoes
20 green prawns, peeled, deveined, tails intact
100g fetta, cubed
2 tablespoons chopped parsley
2 tablespoons chopped coriander
crusty bread, to serve

METHOD

1. Heat oil in a large frying pan on medium. Cook onion for 3 minutes, stirring, until soft. Add garlic and chilli and cook for 1 minute, until fragrant. Add tomato and 1 cup water and bring to boil. Season well, cover, reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes.

2. Add prawns and simmer for 5 minutes, covered, until prawns are opaque. Remove from heat and stir through fetta and herbs. Stand covered for 5 minutes.

3. Serve in bowls with crusty bread.

You can serve this stew with mashed potato, rice or pasta.

Chocolate bread and butter pudding

2009-03-29T04:54:00.001+11:00

Serving size: Serves 6

Cuisine type: Modern Australian
Cooking time: Less than 60 minutes
Course: Dessert
Favourite flavours: Cakes/baking, Chocolate

Chocolate bread and butter pudding

INGREDIENTS

1½ cups (375ml) milk
2 cups (500ml) cream
1/3 cup (75g) caster sugar
1 vanilla bean or 1 teaspoon
vanilla bean paste
4 eggs
2 small (200g) brioche, sliced thickly
100g dark eating chocolate,
chopped coarsely
1/3 cup (40g) coarsely chopped
toasted pecans

METHOD

Preheat the oven to moderate (180°C/160°C fan-forced).

Combine milk, cream and sugar in a small saucepan. Split vanilla bean in half lengthways; scrape seeds into pan, then place pod in pan, or if using, add vanilla bean paste. Stir over heat until hot; strain into a large heatproof jug (not necessary to strain if using the paste). Discard pod.

Whisk eggs in large bowl; whisking constantly, pour hot milk mixture into eggs.

Grease a shallow 2-litre (8-cup) ovenproof dish; layer brioche, chocolate and nuts, overlapping brioche slightly, in the dish. Pour hot milk mixture over brioche.

Place the dish in a large baking dish; add enough boiling water to come halfway up the sides of the ovenproof dish. Bake, uncovered, in a moderate oven for about 45 minutes or until pudding sets.

Remove the pudding from the baking dish; stand for 5 minutes before serving.

Not suitable to freeze or microwave.

Baking bread

2009-03-29T04:47:00.002+11:00

Cooking time: Less than 60 minutes

Course: Side dish, Snacks
Favourite flavours: Condiment

Instead of buying bread at the supermarket or the bakery, try making your own bread at home. It's easy, cheap and lots of fun.

INGREDIENTS

Basic bread
Makes 1 loaf
Prep time 20 minutes
Resting time 90 minutes
Cooking time 40 minutes

3 cups (450g) plain flour (white, or a mixture of 2 cups white and 1 cup wholemeal)

2 teaspoons bread improver (optional)
1½ teaspoons salt
1 sachet instant yeast
1½-1 2/3 cups (375-420ml) warm water

METHOD

1. Sift flour, bread improver and salt into a large warmed bowl, then stir in yeast. Make a well in centre and add warm water. Mix flour and water with a wooden spoon, then beat with a hand, adding a little more water or flour if necessary to make a soft dough.

2. Turn dough onto a floured surface and knead by folding far edge towards you, then pushing it firmly away with heel of hand. Turn dough a little and repeat. Continue kneading for about 5 minutes, until dough is smooth and elastic and springs back when you make a dent with a finger.

3. Place dough in a clean, warm, oiled bowl and cover with plastic wrap and a tea towel. Leave to rise in a warm, draught-free place for 1-1½ hours (or in a cool place for longer). Test by pushing a finger into dough. If indentation remains, it is ready. Knock back dough by punching with your fist several times, squeezing out any large bubbles. Turn onto a lightly floured surface and knead three or four times.

4. Preheat oven to 240ºC or 220ºC fan. Lightly oil a 12 x 23cm loaf pan. Pat dough into a round and fold sides under to form a neat oblong. Place in prepared pan. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and a cloth and leave in a warm place until risen to top of pan. Bake for 15 minutes, then turn pan around, reduce heat to 220ºC or 200ºC fan and bake another 20-25 minutes, until golden brown all over and bread sounds hollow when underside is tapped with knuckles.

Tips:

• Make a Walnut Bread for serving with cheese at a special dinner or picnic.

• Add 1 cup roughly chopped walnuts to basic bread dough when you start the first kneading. Top bread with another ½ cup roughly chopped walnuts before baking.

• For a crisp crust all over, take bread out of pan and bake directly on oven bars for last 10 minutes. Bread is cooked if it sounds hollow when underside is knocked with the knuckles. If not, return to oven for more baking. Turn bread out of pan as soon as it comes from oven, and cool on a wire rack.

• More water is needed when wholemeal flour is used.

• You can add up to half wholemeal to half plain flour if you like a denser loaf of bread. Bread flour (from good health-food stores) is best because of its high gluten content, but you will still get good results with ordinary plain flour.

• It is best not to double the quantities to make two loaves because it can be too unwieldy to knead. However, it’s a great idea to make two lots while you’re in the mood and pop one loaf in the freezer for another day.

What to do in a style emergency at work

2009-03-21T01:15:00.002+11:00

If your workplace calls for you to look polished and preened all day long, a style emergency isn't what you want to suddenly have on your hands. But don't fear whatever the situation, it can be easily solved in a matter of minutes.

Style emergency: You have a run in your stockings.

Solution: If the run is in an inconspicuous spot, stop it in its tracks by putting clear nail polish around the hole. If the run is in a noticeable area, lose the stockings altogether nothing can save them, and bare legs will look better than pantyhose with gaps.

Style emergency: You've got make-up on your collar.

Solution: Use baby wipes to blot the area until it's clean. Baby wipes (or make-up wipes) are also great for freshening up your skin on hot days, or even to wipe over shoes that have become dirty on rainy days.

Style emergency: You got oil/butter on your shirt just as you're about to rush out the door.

Solution: Don't, and we repeat don't put water anywhere near the stain. Instead, remove the garment, cover with talcum powder and then kitchen paper, and sit something heavy (such as a thick book) on top. Leave for a few minutes before tapping off the powder to reveal grease-free clothing.

Style emergency: Your hem has come down.

Solution: Three words: double-sided tape. Use it to temporarily mend stitching that's come undone, stop a blouse from gaping or keep tops with thin straps from slipping off your shoulders. Strips of Hollywood tape should be in your handbag at all times!

Style emergency: Your hair's gone flat and lifeless.

Solution: Whether you've got this hair problem, or any other one, there is a solution. All that's needed to make hair look full and voluminous is to hang your head upside down under the hand drier for 30 seconds, and to use a fine-toothed comb to tease the area around the crown. Voila hair with volume and bounce.

Style emergency: Your teeth are yellow from lunch, and you have a presentation in five minutes.

Solution: Keep mini teeth whiteners in your handbag. They're great at quickly cleaning your teeth (no toothbrush required) and giving you minty breath at the same time.

Style emergency: You have to go to an after-work event, and there's no time to go home and change.

Solution: Always be prepared by keeping a few style must-haves in your desk drawer: a bright lipstick and black eyeliner to take your look from day to night; a fancy brooch that can add instant glam to a work shirt; sparkly earrings to dress up your look and a comb, clip or ribbon to add interest to your hair.

Beat bad hair days !

2009-03-21T01:06:00.002+11:00

In a poll by Your Beauty Spot 15 percent of people admitted to having had a sick day at least once because of bad-hair (news that's sure to make any boss unhappy). Ensure that never happens again, with these tips

Problem: It's raining

Rain is the fastest way to put your hair in bad spirits. A few drops and your immaculate blow-dry isn't so immaculate. If it looks like rain, be prepared and skip wearing your hair out, go for a bun or ponytail instead. No can do? Well, steal this tip from beauty editors: carry a hand-bag sized umbrella everywhere you go.

Problem: It's humid

For a lot of women, the mere thought of humidity is enough to make your hair frizz, turning your sleek, polished look into one that resembles a frazzled housewife. If this sounds like you, make an anti-humidity spray your new best friend.

Problem: You've got bed head

Thanks to Kate Moss, bed head isn't the problem it used to be. Hair that's a little dishevelled can look quite sexy, but in a corporate office environment you might want a look that's a little more structured. Solution: a head band will sweep hair off your face, making you look 'done', as will a tousled low-swept bun.

Problem: You're running late

Who hasn't encountered this dilemma at some point? The good news is that with a quality ceramic straightening iron your hair can look fab in under five. But if hitting snooze is a habit of yours, you might want to try planning ahead by plaiting your hair before bed or twisting it into a low bun so you can say, "Hello, soft waves" in the morning.

Problem: Your hair's greasy

If you haven't heard of dry shampoo before, it's time to take notice. Use it if you're scarce on time in the morning, or use it after returning from the gym in your lunch break. It's simply a matter of shaking, spraying and going. Tip: dry shampoo works best on light to medium hair, so if your hair's darker (or you don't have any handy) we suggest a quiff style instead. If your roots are pulled back sleek they'll be less noticeable.

Problem: Your roots look ghastly

With the long hours that work can sometimes bring, finding time to visit the hairdresser to get your colour re-done can be next to impossible. Buy time between salon visits by opting for zig-zag only parts, as they'll draw less attention to your dire need of colour. Another insider tip: sunnies left perched on your head make a great cover-up when it comes to bad hair.

Problem: Your hair's gone flat

A long day filled with dashing from meeting to meeting can leave your hair looking flat and limp. Fix this with one of two tricks. One: head to the ladies and flip your head upside down under the hand dryer (AKA the sneaky girl's hairdryer); or two: use a comb and tease small sections of hair around your crown and voila, you've got hair with life.

Dressing for success

2009-03-20T23:50:00.002+11:00

First impressions can make or break your career. Learn how to scrub up for your next job interview.

Do your homework
Before you have a chance to convince a potential employer what an asset you'd be to their company, they'll judge you on your appearance. Be prepared by researching industry standards. Generally, corporate roles require well-cut suits and closed-in shoes, while it may be more appropriate to wear a dress to a creative industry interview. Also, consider the interview location. A panel interview or recruitment agency meet calls for smart, conservative attire, while it's generally okay to lose the tie for a cafe meet.

Wardrobe

Her:

Choose a dress or skirt that falls below the knee and which you can sit down comfortably in. Tailored pants have the potential to be assertive (which may or may not work in your favour). Never wear jeans.
Choose block colours over loud patterns (which may distract the interviewer). Hint: colour experts say warm colours (red, orange, yellow) say "hire me now!" while cool colours (blue, green, purple) convey dedication and commitment. Black always looks clean and sharp but may come across as boring to a creative role interviewer.
Chose the statement you want to make and colour code your outfit.
Conceal cleavage, bra straps and panty lines.
Wear heels you can walk in.

Him:

Wear a suit to a corporate interview and a crisp shirt, pants and a jacket — not a jumper — to an interview for a trade-like role.
Opt for basic black shoes. Never wear sneakers (especially white ones) or thongs.
Avoid jeans in favour of tailored pants that sit above your underwear line.

Accessories

Her:

Avoid cheap jewellery, and pieces that jangle nosily.
Match subtle accessories (like a chain bracelet and diamante earrings) or wear a single statement-necklace or cuff. Dangly earrings scream nightclub rather than nine-to-five.

Him:

Lose novelty ties and cufflinks. If you need a tie, opt for a subtle block colour that complements your suit and shirt, and wear simple chic cufflinks.
Don't bring a briefcase unless you need it. Interviewers will see straight through props.

Grooming

Her:

Wear minimal, natural-looking make-up (no bold shadows or lippy).
Style hair so it doesn't fall over your eyes. A slick ponytail says "I'm confident and efficient" while edgy haircuts and colouring scream "I'm unpredictable".
Clean fingernails and pedicured feet assert your attention to detail. Chipped polish conveys the opposite.
Wear anti-perspirant deodorant and spritz perfume at least 15 minutes to half an hour before the interview, so it's not overpowering.

Him:

Shave, moisturise and use hair product, if necessary.
Wear anti-perspirant deodorant and go easy on the cologne.

You got the job …
Even if your office has the same dress code as a Balinese beach bar, don't take advantage of it. Keep shoes on, hair brushed and clothes pressed at all times. You never know when the "big boss" will show up unannounced. Same goes for office functions — you may be out of the office but you (and your outfit) are still in a work environment. Tip: pass on the second margarita!

Worst Parenting Advice Ever Heard

2009-03-09T05:45:00.005+11:00

Moms and moms-to-be on TheBump.com share some of the wackiest parenting advice they've ever had the displeasure of hearing.

If you feel like you got hit with tons of parenting advice the second you started sporting a bump, you're not alone. Moms-to-be often discover that everyone from future grandparents to the guy at the corner deli have plenty of unsolicited words of wisdom to share. Sure, some of the advice you get from well-meaning friends (or strangers) may turn out to

be helpful, but sometimes it can also be downright crazy. Moms and moms-to-be on TheBump.com share some of the wackiest parenting advice they've ever had the displeasure of hearing:

Smack baby's gums?
"I was told to smack my daughter's gums with a spoon so I could tell if she's teething. I guess you'd hear a click if there are teeth under the gums?" --soon2beMrs.H

Our take:Ouch! We're pretty sure all this will get you is a screaming baby. Trust us, a spoon won't be necessary to tell you whether or not baby's teething -- you'll know. Some telltale signs include raw gums, constant crankiness, and over-the-top drooling. Most babies hit the teething stage between 4 and 7 months, so if this sounds like your tot, drop what you're doing now and stock up on teething toys, frozen washcloths, and baby pain reliever. You can run your finger along baby's gums to see if there are any teeth breaking through.

No car seat?
"My father told me to not worry about a car seat. He said, 'Your mother kept you and your sister on her lap on the ride home!'" --april 145

Our take: Do baby a favor and don't pull a Britney. Sure, Dad may mean well, but times have definitely changed since you were in diapers -- for the better. Car seats aren't an option; they're a must (legally speaking), and babies should never go for a ride anywhere unless they're properly strapped in. Make sure you have yours already inspected and set up in your backseat well before your due date. This way, you'll be prepared in case baby decides to come early. Wondering where you can get your car seat inspected? Go to SeatCheck.org to find a safety inspection station near you.

Playing with ice cubes?
"My sister's ex-husband felt it was okay to let the baby 'play' with ice cubes. When I pointed out that he could choke on them, he said, 'They'll melt, won't they?'" --faithe2009

Our take: In terms of potential babysitters, this guy deserves to be blacklisted. As a general rule, baby should never be able to grab anything that's small enough to fit through the tube of a toilet paper roll. Ever. When your little guy starts to crawl and later walk, he'll turn into an instant detective, wanting to inspect everything -- and babies often explore new items by putting them in their mouths. Make sure you keep anything that's small enough to be a choking hazard far away from his grasp and don't forget to baby-proof all of your cabinets and drawers. Ice cubes are fine in a mesh feeder, but otherwise? No.

Don't swaddle?
"I was told by my grandmother that I shouldn't swaddle my newborn because it'd cause her arms to be deformed and that she needed to be able to stretch her muscles." --silvurturtle

Our take: Sorry, Grams, but this one's just plain wrong. Swaddling has been practiced for hundreds of years as a way to keep baby warm and toasty, and the fact that it reminds her of being in the womb will also calm her down and help her sleep better. If you're not sure how to swaddle, ask for a quick lesson before you leave the hospital.

No cuddling?
"I was told that if you hold a newborn or infant too much, you'll spoil them." --Beaniesmommy

Our take: Surprisingly, we hear this one a lot, even though it couldn't be further from the truth. You don't have to be Dr. Sears to know that bonding with baby is hugely important -- especially in those first few months of development. Feel free to cuddle and hold baby as much as you want! Just make sure you still allow him some independence as he grows. If baby cries when you put him down, try rubbing a sock or small cotton cloth on your body and placing it near him. Your familiar scent can help calm him even if he's not in your arms.

Best way to Brand You

2009-03-09T05:39:00.001+11:00

Kleenex, Band-Aid, Starbucks -- the name tells you everything you need to know. Somewhere along the way, name and product became one and the same and they both scream quality and value. In brand we trust. But brand-building isn't just the miracle tool of multinationals and their in-house marketing machines. If you've got some career ambition, it's more than worth it to develop your own personal brand and be the definition of your career for other people. And guess what? It's easier than you think with these tips:

Make a mental picture. Clamp your eyes shut and picture who you are and what qualities you want people to call to mind when your name comes up (or when a job presents itself that would fit you like a glove). Those qualities should be the cornerstones of your brand.

Become a tangible product. For those branding giants -- our aforementioned Kleenex, Band-Aid, and Starbucks -- the image is reinforced with logos, trademarks, commercials, catch-phrases, and customer service. Each time a customer interacts with a given product, the corporation reinforces the brand until, when you need a tissue, you think Kleenex. You, however, are not a tissue. You are a living, breathing brand, with ample opportunities to reinforce this on a daily basis. If your personal brand involves innovation, be innovative in all things: the food you eat for lunch, the gadgets you rely on, the style that swirls around you. Keep in mind that this can work against you, too: If you always do shoddy work, your desk is a mess, or your wardrobe is atrocious, those are the qualities that people will associate with you. Yikes.

Be your brand. My brand involves two words -- communications diva -- and I strive to epitomize these words in all my interactions. From my bold eye shadow to my to-the-point

e-mails; from my leopard-print wallet to the cool head that guides me through crisis situations; from the bistros where I schedule meetings to the sassy logo on my business cards, I define what I believe a communications diva to be. And judging by the staggering number of referral calls I receive on a weekly basis, my branding efforts are working.

Commit to your message. Brand-building requires complete focus; one misstep and your brand crumbles. (It's going to take more than a couple of apologetic press releases for consumers to trust the pet-food companies embroiled in the tainted-food scandal). Ideal personal brands are realistic and super-easy to reinforce because they're second nature. If your dream brand involves fearless public speaking but you're meek as a mouse, you might want to back-burner this aspect of your brand and revisit it after a couple years of confidence-building exercises.

Unless you're Paris Hilton (who, as a celebutante -- "famous for being famous" -- is nothing but a brand) and have a publicity machine forever in tow to keep your brand on track, you don't need to obsess about personal branding with every interaction. Cliché as it sounds, you just need to stay true to you (and a few weeks in the slammer fits Paris' brand perfectly). How do you know when you've succeeded at building a brand? When someone you respect says, "This awesome job I just heard about is so you."

Vegie spring rolls

2009-03-08T04:00:00.004+11:00

Serving size: Serves 10 or more
Cuisine type: Asian
Cooking time: Less than 30 minutes
Course: Finger food

INGREDIENTS

50g dried vermicelli noodles
2 tablespoons peanut oil
1 whole fresh corn cob, kernels removed
1 carrot, grated
4 spring onions, thinly sliced
½ cup frozen peas, thawed
227g can water chestnuts, coarsely chopped
1½ cups shredded cabbage
2 tablespoons kecap manis
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 teaspoons corn flour
1 tablespoon water
1x 300g packet frozen or fresh spring roll wrappers
sweet and sour sauce, to serve

METHOD

Preheat oven to 200°C/180°C fan forced.

Place noodles in a large heatproof bowl, cover with boiling water. Stand for 5 minutes or until soft. Drain. Using scissors, cut noodles into 3cm lengths.
Heat oil in a large wok and add the water chestnuts and all the vegetables except for the cabbage and cook for 2 minutes or until softened slightly. Stir in cabbage, sauces and cornflour dissolved in water and continue to cook for 30 seconds or until mixture thickens; cool slightly.

Place a heaped spoon of filling in one corner of each wrapper. Brush edges lightly with water. Fold corner over filling, then roll up firmly and press to seal. Place on tray and spray or brush with olive oil.

Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until light golden (or cook in plenty of hot peanut or vegetable oil until golden brown). Serve with sweet and sour sauce.

Chicken Arrabbiata

2009-03-07T21:41:00.005+11:00

Serving size: Serves 4

Cuisine type: Italian, Modern Australian
Cooking time: More than 1 hour
Special options: Heart friendly, Low Carb, Low fat
Course: Main
Favourite flavours: Chicken, Saucy

INGREDIENTS

¼ cup (60ml) extra virgin olive oil

1 red onion, cut into 8 wedges

4 chicken marylands (thighs and legs), about 1.2kg

1 bulb garlic, cloves peeled

150ml dry red wine

2 hot red chillies, chopped

2 punnets cherry tomatoes or two cans of cherry tomatoes, well drained

2 tablespoons chopped flat-leaf parsley

polenta, to serve

Soffritto base:

2 large cloves garlic, peeled and coarsely chopped

50g fatty pancetta, cut into cubes

1 teaspoon fresh rosemary leaves

METHOD

To make soffritto, combine 2 chopped cloves garlic, pancetta and rosemary in a small processor and pulse until finely chopped. Alternatively, chop on a board with a sharp cook’s knife.

Heat oil in a heavy-based saucepan over moderate heat, add soffritto and cook about 5 minutes or until pancetta fat runs, stirring frequently. Add onion, chicken and garlic cloves and cook for about 8 minutes, browning chicken on both sides.

Stir in wine and cook for 1 minute, then add chilli and tomatoes, and season to taste with salt and freshly ground pepper. Bring to a simmer, cover with a lid and cook gently for 40 minutes. The chicken is cooked if the liquid runs clear when a skewer is inserted between thigh and leg. Adjust seasoning. Sprinkle with parsley and serve in deep, heated plates, with polenta.

TIP: You could serve chicken arrabbiata with a steaming bowl of penne as an alternative to polenta.

Chocolate and Peanut Butter Cheese cake

2009-03-07T18:48:00.001+11:00

Serving size: Serves 10 or more
Cuisine type: Modern Australian
Cooking time: More than 2 hours
Special options: Vegetarian
Course: Dessert
Favourite flavours: Cakes/baking, Cheese

INGREDIENTS

200g chocolate wheaten biscuits, broken
60g butter, melted
½ cup (125ml) milk, plus 1 tablespoon extra
¾ cup (210g) crunchy peanut butter
250g cream cheese
½ cup (110g) caster sugar
30g dark chocolate, melted

METHOD

1. Line base of a 23cm loose-based flan pan with baking paper. Process broken biscuits into fine crumbs. Add melted butter and extra tablespoon of milk and process until well combined. Press mixture over base and sides of pan. Chill while making filling.

2. Place peanut butter and remaining milk in a small saucepan and heat on low for 10 minutes, stirring, until smooth. Remove from heat and cool.

3. Using an electric mixer with paddle or V-groove beaters, beat cream cheese with sugar until smooth. Stir in peanut butter mixture. Spoon into chocolate crust, cover loosely with plastic wrap and chill for three hours, until firm.

4. Place melted chocolate in a small plastic bag and snip off corner. Drizzle melted chocolate finely back and forth over cheesecake. Return to fridge and leave to set for 15 minutes. Cut into wedges to serve.

Electricity in the Air !!!

2009-02-28T02:20:00.000+11:00

Wireless power technologies are moving closer to becoming viable options.

This year probably won't be the tipping point for wireless electricity. But judging from all the new techniques and applications of this awe-inspiring technology, getting power through the airwaves could soon be viable.

Fulton Innovations showcased blenders that whir wirelessly and laptops that power up without a battery at the 2009 International Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas last month. The devices are all powered by electromagnetic coils built into the charging surface, and there's not a plug in sight.

Fulton's wireless electricity technology is called eCoupled, and the company hopes it can be used across a wide rage of consumer devices. Fulton was one of half a dozen companies that wowed consumers at CES.

ECoupled uses a wireless powering technique called "close proximity coupling," which uses circuit boards and coils to communicate and transmit energy using magnetic fields. The technology is efficient but works only at close ranges. Typically, the coils must be bigger than the distance the energy needs to travel. What it lacks in distance, it makes up in intelligence.

In conjunction with the Wireless Power Consortium, Fulton, a subsidiary of Amway, has developed a standard that can send digital messages back and forth using the same magnetic field used to power devices. These messages are used to distinguish devices that can and can't be charged wirelessly, and to relay information like power requirements or how much battery power is left in a device.

Using this technique, an industrial van parked outside the Fulton booth at CES charged a set of power tools from within its carrying case. The van was tricked out by Leggett & Platt -- a diversified manufacturing company based in Carthage, Mo., and an eCoupled licensee -- and is designed to solve its customers' biggest headache: arriving at the job site with a dead set of tools. Fulton, which teamed up with Bosch to design the setup, already has test vehicles rolling around in the field and plans to sell them to utility and other industrial companies by the end of the year.

Texas Instruments announced last November that it will manufacture a chip set that will reduce the manufacturing cost of integrating eCoupled wireless power into consumer electronic devices.

In another area of the vast electronics show, cell phones, video-game controllers and a laptop charged wirelessly on a silver and black mat created by Boulder, Colo.-based WildCharge.

The mat uses a conductive powering technique, which is more efficient than inductive powering but requires direct contact between the devices and the charging pad. Though most of the mats or pads on display are intended to power only a handful of devices at a time, WildCharge says the product design is certified for up to 150 watts -- enough to power 30 laptops.

Across the room from WildCharge, PowerCast displayed Christmas ornaments and floor tiles glowing with LEDs powered by ambient radio waves. The devices harvest electromagnetic energy in ambient radio waves from a nearby low-power antenna. Because of the dangerous nature of electromagnetic waves in high doses, Pittsburgh-based PowerCast is targeting its application for small devices like ZigBee wireless chips, which require little power.

Perhaps the most promising wireless power technology was the latest iteration of WiTricity, the Watertown, Mass.-based brainchild of MIT physicist Marin Soljacic, on display in a private suite high in the Venetian hotel tower.

The technology uses a technique developed by Soljacic called "highly coupled magnetic resonance." As proof that it works, an LCD TV is powered by a coil hidden behind an oil painting located a few feet away. Across the hotel room, WiTricity Chief Executive Eric Giler walks in the direction of another coil holding an iPod Touch in the palm of his hand. Power hungry, it starts to charge when it gets within two meters.

Soljacic has already earned a $500,000 "genius grant" from the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation for his work, but Giler said the technology is at least a year away. In the meantime, WiTricity has obtained an exclusive license from MIT to bring Soljacic's idea to market and hopes to have an estimated 200 patents.

But because Soljacic published his academic paper in Nature magazine, companies like Intel have been able to replicate the effect in their labs based on his principles.

Elsewhere at CES, PowerBeam showcased wireless lamps and picture frames. Located in Sunnyvale, Calif., the company uses yet another wireless-powering approach. Its technology beams optical energy into photovoltaic cells using laser diodes. Although the company says it can maintain a constant energy flow across long distances, the difficulty of targeting a laser means that it's not ideal for charging moving devices.

So, while 2009 may not be the year wireless electricity takes off, the nascent sector is certainly on its way.

Best way to buy a Cell Phone

2009-02-28T02:14:00.000+11:00

Here's what you need to know to get the cell phone and service plan that are right for you.

Introduction

Few tools of modern technology have become as prevalent as the cell phone, which allows you to be in touch (almost) all the time, (almost) anywhere. And you can do more than just talk -- modern phones let you send and receive e-mail and text messages, and even surf the Web. Sifting through the sea of service plans and handsets can be difficult, but we'll walk you through what you need to know to get the phone and service plan that are right for you.

The big picture Find out how to decide which phone is right for you, and learn about network coverage.

The specs explained We take an in-depth look at the low-end and high-end features of wireless phones and service plans.

Cell phone shopping tips Before you start shopping, read our recommendations to get the best deal on a cell phone and service plan.

The big picture

Cell phones are more than just convenient communication tools: They allow you to check e-mail, sync with the calendar and contacts on your PC, dial a number by the sound of your voice, read breaking news on the Internet, take photos, play games, send text messages, view and edit documents, listen to music, and more. But choosing a phone -- and the service plan to go with it -- requires some legwork.

Your choice of phone may depend on your choice of wireless service provider. If you're shopping for a carrier, you first need to figure out which carrier offers the best coverage and monthly service plan in your area. Then you'll have to select a phone from the assortment that your chosen service provider offers. With the exception of a few handsets, most phones work only on one provider's system because carriers have mutually exclusive networks, and many carriers lock their phones so you can't take the same phone to another provider.

The third generation of mobile communications technology, commonly called 3G, is becoming more widely available. It's supposed to boost data-transfer performance to 2 megabits per second from the more common data-transfer rate of 19.2 kilobits per second, and is particularly handy if you use a phone to wirelessly access data such as e-mail, text messages and the Web.

The availability of 3G service remains a mixed bag. Sprint and Verizon Wireless use the Evolution Data Optimized (EvDO) network, which offers average download speeds of 400 to 700 kbps and potential maximum download speeds of 2 mbps. AT&T and T-Mobile support a 3G network called HSDPA (High Speed Downlink Packet Access), which is available only on select handsets. (AT&T's HSDPA is also available for use with PC Cards.) HSDPA promises average download data rates of 400 to 700 kbps with bursts to more than 1 mbps. While more phones are offering support for HSDPA, most AT&T and T-Mobile phones still support EDGE (Enhanced Data rates for Global Evolution), which promises data transmission speeds of 384 kbps, and GPRS (General Packet Radio Service), with an average speed of 40 kbps but the capability to go up to 115 kbps.

Key phone features

Wireless standard: World travelers are more affected by wireless standards than are users based strictly in the United States. Most of the world uses networks based on the GSM (Global System for Mobile communications) standard. U.S. carriers, however, use a variety of networks in addition to GSM. U.S. carriers work on the CDMA (Code Division Multiple Access), TDMA (Time Division Multiple Access), iDEN (Integrated Digital Enhanced Network), AMPS (Advanced Mobile Phone Service), GPRS (General Packet Radio Service), EDGE (Enhanced Data rates for Global Evolution), and/or EvDO (Evolution Data Optimized) standards. AT&T runs on the AMPS, EDGE, GSM, GPRS and TDMA networks. Sprint Nextel uses the iDEN network exclusively. Sprint and Verizon Wireless run on CDMA and EvDO; Verizon also uses AMPS. T-Mobile supports GSM and GPRS networks. It is important to note that while AT&T runs on both GSM and TDMA networks, the services and the phones that use them do not interoperate.

Band support: The more radio bands a phone supports, the more frequencies it picks up. Quad-band phones, as their name suggests, operate across four frequency bands. Theoretically, they provide better coverage than triple-, dual-, or single-band phones. These so-called world phones are compatible with four GSM frequencies -- 850 MHz (prevalent in the United States), 900 MHz (prevalent in Europe), 1800 MHz (prevalent in Asia) and 1900 MHz (also available in the U.S.). As a result, they function around the globe. You can also find tri-mode phones that work on two digital frequency bands in addition to an analog network, a particularly handy feature if you travel to rural areas.

Design: You can choose among flip-open, clamshell-style phones; nonflip, candy-bar-style phones; slider-style phones that -- obviously -- slide open; and swivel phones that twist open. Low-end flip phones may lack a separate caller ID screen, but many new phones sport dual screens -- a small, external LCD on the cover plus an internal display. If you buy a nonflip phone, make sure it has a keypad lock that prevents inadvertent dialing -- a helpful feature when you put the phone in a pocket or bag.

Whichever type of phone you choose, check its ergonomics. Is it comfortable against your ear, and can you hear callers without constant adjustment? Can you use the phone with one hand? Consider hands-free use: Can you comfortably hold the phone to your ear by scrunching your neck and shoulder? Also, look for the placement of the headset jack -- a jack located on top of the phone is often more convenient than one located on the side.

Size and weight: Part of what makes a phone easy to use is its portability. A typical standard cell phone weighs about 4 ounces, and most nonflip models are about the size of an energy bar -- approximately 5 inches long, 2 inches wide, and 1 inch thick. An exception is a smartphone with a full QWERTY keyboard, such as a Palm Treo or BlackBerry device. Though these hybrid units continue to get smaller and slimmer, they are larger than a basic cell phone, and you should keep that in mind if you plan to use one for long phone calls.

Battery life: Most new phones allow at least four hours of talk time and two to six days on standby. Some phones can last up to 14 days or more on standby. Keep in mind that several factors affect battery life; high-speed 3G networks tend to be power-hungry, for example, and the phones that support them often have shorter battery life. The signal strength of your cellular service also has an effect, since a phone that constantly searches for signals will run itself down quickly. Depending on the phone, recharging the battery should take about an hour or longer. When you buy a phone, consider optional accessories such as a higher-capacity battery and a portable charging adapter for use in a car.

Screen: If you intend to send and receive text messages, surf the Web or use the phone's organizer, make sure the screen is up to snuff. Make sure it's big enough for you to take full advantage of the phone's features. If you're going to surf the Web or edit office documents on your phone, a screen that's less than 2 inches diagonally will feel very small.

The screen's contrast and backlight strengths are also important. The phones we've seen show marked differences in viewing quality. If your phone allows you to adjust such settings, you can make text and graphics easily viewable -- even in bright places. These days, most phones offer color screens, which are easy on the eyes.

When the first-generation iPhone launched in 2007, it touched off a touch-screen frenzy. Since then, more and more phones have come out with touch-screens. If you're looking for such a phone, keep in mind that not all touch-screens are created equal. Some -- like the iPhone's screen -- support multitouch, which means they can register more than one touch point at a time. This technology allows you to pinch and grab the screen to zoom in and out on a Web page, for example. Other phones support single touch only, and can register only one tap at a time. Some touch-screens also offer a type of feedback -- either a slight vibration or a sound -- when they register your touch, which can prevent you from tapping needlessly. Finally, consider ease of use: How simple is it to scroll through items on a particular touch-screen menu? Can you adjust the sensitivity of it to your liking?

Keypad: If you can't figure out how to use certain functions on a phone pretty quickly (with or without consulting the manual), try another; remember, though, that if you're looking at a phone that packs a lot of features, you should spend some time learning how to use them. Regardless, the keypad layout and menu system should be intuitive. The buttons should be responsive and easy to press. Check out the navigation buttons on the keypad. A joystick-style knob on some phones can make navigating menus quick. Most handsets come with up/down and left/right arrow keys. Buttons that protrude slightly are much easier to use than flat or recessed keys.

Many smart phones come with a small QWERTY keyboard. The tiny keys may not suit everyone, but they can save you a great deal of time if you plan to use your phone for sending e-mail messages and editing office documents. Even very small QWERTY keyboards can be much easier to use than a software-based keyboard on a touch-sensitive screen.

Operating system: If you're looking to do more than make calls and send text messages with your phone, you should consider the platform on which it runs. The mobile operating system you choose will greatly affect the capabilities of your phone. Smartphones that run the Windows Mobile OS, for example, usually come with mobile versions of the Microsoft Office suite, so you can view and edit documents when you're away from your PC. Windows Mobile is available on a wide range of handsets from all carriers, so you'll have plenty of choice in hardware. The Palm OS is not as widely available, but it retains a devoted following, largely because of its easy learning curve; you'll also find a good deal of productivity software available for Palm OS-based phones. The Symbian platform, which is available on most Nokia smartphones, is not as user-friendly, but it supports a range of business and productivity apps.

Newer platforms include the modified version of the Mac OS that runs on Apple's iPhones. While the iPhone doesn't ship with any true office applications, it does include easy access to Apple's App Store, where you can find an incredible range of applications -- for work and play -- available for download. The newest platform is Google's Android, which for the time being is available only on the upcoming T-Mobile G1 smartphone. Android phones will include access to their own marketplace for downloading applications, but how vast the selection will be remains to be seen.

Voice communications and organizer: Mobile phones bombard you with call-management features -- voice-activated calling, voice recording, phone books, call histories, speed dialing and so on. Enabling some of the features (such as caller ID, call waiting and three-way calling) depends on your service plan. Most phones also provide security features that can restrict incoming and outgoing calls, lock the keypad and protect or mass-delete phone book entries. Many handsets also provide a speakerphone. Some even function as two-way radios, connecting you with others on the same carrier; and in many cases, such communications don't count as airtime -- a great benefit for IT personnel and other roving staff.

If you want to talk on the phone hands-free (a must if you use the phone while driving), look for a model that comes with a headset or an earphone. If you don't want to mess with cords, consider a phone that supports Bluetooth, which allows you to pair the device with a wireless Bluetooth headset.

Wireless data: Nearly all cell phones are capable of sending and receiving e-mail and instant messages, downloading custom ring tones and simple games, or connecting to the Internet (sometimes merely by way of a minibrowser that's designed to work best with text-only versions of popular sites like Amazon, Google and Yahoo). Such features, however, are heavily dependent on your provider and your service plan.

Going online while you're waiting for the elevator is a cool idea, but most phones connect at slow speeds: only up to 115 kbps on a GPRS network and up to 384 kbps on EDGE; 3G networks, such as EvDO and HSDPA, provide faster connections at up to 2 mbps.

Key service provider features

Coverage: The biggest nationwide carriers are AT&T Mobility (formerly Cingular Wireless), Sprint Nextel, T-Mobile and Verizon Wireless. Not all networks are created equal, however. Service can be erratic even if a carrier claims to have coverage in an area; the quality of the reception varies, too. One way to find out about a carrier's network reliability is to try the service and one of its phones. Most nationwide carriers offer a trial period of up to 30 days where you pay for only the minutes you use. You should also poll friends and colleagues about their experiences. Find out how good the phone signal is at your home, office or anywhere else you'll need to use it.

Plan type: The national phone plans that the major carriers offer will let you send and receive calls anywhere in the United States (and even in parts of Canada) at no extra charge. You may be able to sign up for a local or regional plan that limits the areas where you can originate a call and still pull from your monthly pool of minutes; this option may be worth considering if you use your phone for local calls exclusively. If you have a world phone and plan to use it in other countries, choose service with international roaming.

Data plan: You should also take into account your data usage (e-mail, photos, IM and Web access) when selecting your cell phone plan. Some carriers bundle voice and data plans, while others let you select a voice and data plan separately. You can always pay for messaging and data use a la carte, but you'll likely be charged a higher rate. So if you think you'll be sending and receiving data with your phone, you'll want to select some sort of data plan.

Minutes: When choosing a plan, it's best to overestimate the number of minutes you'll be using for every sent and received call. Because one carrier's definition of off-peak may be different from another's, ask the carrier to specify the times for its peak, off-peak and weekend hours. Other service charges include a data plan (see above), three-way calling and downloads.

Contract: Virtually all carriers offer discounted service fees if you commit to a specified period of time, usually two years, though one year is sometimes available. The longer the contract period, the lower the rate. If you break the agreement, you'll incur hefty fees.

Other services: Activating service to your phone or switching the service from your old phone to a new one almost always incurs a fee. Look into phone-replacement plans or extended warranties, both of which typically entitle you to a new phone if yours is lost, stolen or goes kaput. You should also find out whom you can contact if something goes wrong with your phone. Find out exactly what you'll need to do -- and how much you'll need to pay -- in order to fix your phone.

The specs explained

While a cell phone can make your life easier, just getting one can be a huge hassle. When you look at handsets and service plans, the sales reps may bombard you with a ton of terms and restrictions.

The two most important questions to ask yourself before you decide on a phone and plan are, "How much will I use the phone?" and "Where will I use it?" Those two questions will help you determine how many minutes you need and whether to go with a local, regional, national or international plan.

The service meter starts running the minute you place and receive calls. The most common plans are national plans, which allow you to call from anywhere in the United States (and perhaps from some parts of Canada) without additional charges. You may also be able to sign up for a local service plan (one that allows you to make and receive calls from within your local area without so-called roaming charges being added) or for a regional plan that allows you to call from a wider area without incurring additional charges. If you travel overseas, look for an international plan that lets you use your world phone both stateside and in several other countries.

Many companies require that you buy a phone from them when you sign up. Some offer great discounts when you do so. In some cases you can buy the phone from a third party and sign up for service with the carrier of your choice.

Cell phone specs

If you're shopping for a low-end cell phone, you can expect to spend anywhere from nothing to about $149. Many low-end phones are free when you sign a contract with the service provider, or after a mail-in rebate. Also, many cell phone companies offer great discounts when you purchase phones online. A typical cell phone costs anywhere from $150 to $299, while higher-end cell phones run $300 and up.

Because you'll be carrying the phone, its weight and size are fairly important factors to consider before you buy. Most cell phones weigh from 3 to 6 ounces; generally, the more expensive a phone is, the smaller and lighter it is. (Smartphones with QWERTY keyboards, however, are an exception to this rule; they tend to be bulkier and heavier than standard cell phones.)

Battery life is another important factor, since it determines how long you can go without recharging the phone, and you don't want to be stranded with a dead battery. Talk-time battery life can range from little more than one hour to over 10 hours, depending on your handset. A phone that supports a 3G network is likely to have a shorter battery life than a non-3G phone. "Standby battery life" refers to battery life while the phone is on but not in use. Vendors will estimate both talk-time and standby battery life, but their estimates do not always reflect real-world usage; for more on battery life.

Today's phones let you do more than just talk. You can send and receive instant messages and even listen to songs or watch videos after downloading them. You need to take into account what you'd like to do with your phone before deciding on the right handset for you. Most low-end phones support sending and receiving text messages, handling basic e-mail chores and doing limited Web surfing. More low-end phones are adding features like built-in cameras and music playback, but if you want faster or more advanced Web access, video playback and recording, or GPS functionality, you'll probably have to spring for at least an average or higher-end cell phone. And if you're looking for a phone that will let you view and/or edit Office documents, consider a more advanced smartphone.

Choosing among single-, dual-, tri- and quad-band phones isn't critical for most users. The more bands a phone supports, the more frequencies it picks up. Quad-band phones, as their name suggests, operate across four frequency bands. As a result, theoretically, they provide better coverage than tri-, dual- or single-band phones.

Tip's to buy a best Laptop

2009-02-27T02:35:00.000+11:00

Introduction

The most highly evolved species of computer, the laptop (aka notebook) computer allows you to work without being tethered to an office. Portability and good performance make laptop PCs an essential part of the daily lives of millions of people, from college students to business travelers. Even the least-expensive of today's laptops are well-equipped for everyday work.

The big picture: There are more laptop choices than ever. We'll identify and discuss the available options -- including screen size, weight, battery life and communications ports.

The specs explained: Do you need a superfast CPU? Or a huge hard drive? We'll guide you through the choices and tell you which features are most critical.

Laptop shopping tips: Looking for a powerful, versatile notebook at a reasonable price? Our advice will help you find the right laptop.

The big picture

If you've ever shopped for a laptop, you know that the factors to consider go far beyond performance and connections. Notebook buyers have to think about such additional variables as size, weight, screen dimensions, battery life and keyboard quality -- plus options such as built-in wireless.

Key features

Processor: Intel's dual-core processors have helped laptops gain ground in the power department. In PC World tests, laptops using these dual-core processors performed considerably faster than laptops using single-core processors, particularly when multitasking. In newer notebooks you may see references to Core Duo, Core 2 Duo and Core 2 Extreme, which represent steps up in computing power for laptops.

Some notebooks use AMD's Athlon Turion 64 X2 dual-core processor, which also supports improved performance. The Turion 64 X2 and the Core 2 Duo both provide 64-bit support, which will become increasingly useful as more 64-bit applications reach the market.

Low-end laptops offer Intel's Celeron M processor, which is generally not as speedy as the Core 2 Duo processors. And down below low-end are the new mobile processors that appear in netbooks (or mini-notebooks) -- sub-$500 machines that run on low-power, low-cost 1.6-GHz Atom CPUs.

System memory: Unless you're buying on the cheap, a new laptop generally includes 2GB of system memory. Many notebooks today are available with 3GB of RAM or more. Before electing to upgrade to more RAM than that, be sure to check which version of Windows your new notebook uses. A 32-bit OS can't efficiently use more than 3GB of RAM. A 64-bit version can go higher. Outfitting your laptop with more RAM at the time you buy it is convenient and helps you extend its useful life.

Graphics memory: Portables can have either of two different types of video chip sets: dedicated video (which means a separate pre-installed graphics card) or integrated graphics. Dedicated video chip sets come from nVidia and ATI/AMD, whereas integrated graphics are typically from Intel. If you intend to use your laptop for even casual gaming, make sure that it has memory dedicated to graphics use, rather than relying on graphics that pull from main memory. Gamers need advanced 3-D graphics chips, along with 512MB of dedicated graphics memory. High-end desktop-replacement notebooks have sophisticated desktop graphics capabilities, as well; in the past, integrated graphics would work just fine for business purposes, but Windows Vista demands a more powerful graphics subsystem.

Some laptops now offer Scalable Link Interface (SLI), which provides a means to run multiple graphics chips in one machine. Hybrid SLI, a technology offered by nVidia, involves two GPUs operating within a single notebook. The most basic version of Hybrid SLI already exists on Apple's new MacBook Pro laptop and on a couple of notebooks from Sony's Vaio line. With these machines you toggle between a high-powered discrete GPU for graphics-intensive work or play and an integrated GPU on the motherboard for low-demand graphics. A second implementation of Hybrid SLI will allow an integrated GPU, like nVidia's GeForce 9400M GS, to work in tandem with a discrete GPU for greater performance when needed -- and then downshift to a lower-power mode when it isn't.

Screen: Some laptop screens continue to get bigger -- and most have gone wide, too, enabling you to view spreadsheets or movies with ease. But other screens have gotten significantly smaller to accommodate all sorts of road-ready computing. Price is no longer much of a deterrent for any of these choices. Even budget shoppers can afford the luxury of high-resolution color: Portables with 14.1-inch and 15.4-inch wide screens now cost well under $1,000. Most notebook manufacturers offer laptops with wide-screen panels, to permit better side-by-side document viewing as well as to display films at their proper aspect ratio. These days, netbooks come equipped with screens as large as 10.2 inches. Ultraportable notebooks max out at 13.3 inches. And anything between 13.3 and 17 inches qualifies as an all-purpose machine -- a laptop that still fits in your bag. The new middle ground for all-purpose screens is 16 inches because screen of this size can display a true 1080p (1920-by-1080-pixel resolution) picture.

Battery: Laptop battery life continues to improve. In PC World's tests, laptops using a Core Duo or Core 2 Duo processor average roughly 3.5 hours on one battery charge. Keep in mind that manufacturers may improve their times by taking steps such as turning off wireless receivers, which tend to consume a lot of power. Also, check to see if the manufacturer's stated battery-life numbers are for its regular or extended-life battery -- the latter kind of battery can last up to twice as long as a regular one. And remember that, in general, lighter laptops tend to have longer battery lives than big desktop-replacement notebooks do.

Keyboard and pointing device: Though you can get accustomed to almost any laptop keyboard, it's best to try before you buy. Thin-and-light notebooks usually have smaller-than-average keys spaced more closely than the keys on a desktop-replacement model, and their layouts may differ from a standard keyboard's. If you have largish hands, be aware that an ultraportable's keyboard may be difficult to use.

You probably won't be invited to choose between eraserhead and trackpad pointing devices; if you have a preference, look for manufacturers that use the pointing device you prefer on most of their products. A better option: Buy a USB mouse designed for laptops. It's a small investment, and your hands will thank you for it.

Optical and other drives: Most manufacturers offer laptops with rewritable DVD drives. But now that Blu-ray Disc has triumphed over HD DVD in the high-definition format wars, more notebooks are being configured with Blu-ray drives. If you need a floppy drive for some reason, you can buy a USB add-on drive for 20 bucks.

Hard drive: Even inexpensive netbooks now come with 60GB hard-disk drives (HDDs). Most all-purpose machines offer hard drives in the range of 200GB to 320GB, and ultraportables now pack solid-state drives (SDDs). Though SDDs are faster and lighter than HDDs, their capacities are considerably lower (maxing out at around 128GB) at a significantly higher cost. In today's market, an SSD adds about $1,000 to a laptop's price tag over the cost of a machine with similar specs equipped with a larger-capacity platter-based drive. So, you need to balance speed and weight against price and storage capacity. Whichever choice you make, you'll find that hard-drive space fills up quickly, so you might want to consider buying a portable external drive as well.

Weight and bay design: Laptops range from 15-pound desktop replacement monsters to ultraportable lightweights that rely on external drives to come in at under 3 pounds. One-bay notebooks balance features and weight. Some laptops continue to offer the optical drive as a modular device, so you can swap it out for a second hard drive or a second battery.

When making a purchase, however, keep in mind that you should consider the weight not only of the laptop but also of the AC adapter, the extra batteries, any external modules, and their cables. Ultraportable notebooks have lightweight adapters, but they can weigh almost as much as a full-size notebook if you have to carry an external optical drive, too.

When you return to your desk, you can snap most laptops onto an extra-cost docking station or port replicator (prices range from $100 to $500). Doing so saves you from repeatedly having to plug in and unplug an external monitor, keyboard, mouse and other desktop peripherals.

Communications: Few laptops come with a full set of legacy ports anymore. Serial ports are as rare as Bigfoot sightings at this point, as are PS/2 ports (for a mouse or keyboard). Most notebooks still have one PC Card slot, though many now offer an ExpressCard slot as well. With new GPUs, many notebooks -- and even some netbooks -- now offer HDMI outputs.

Most laptops have at least two USB 2.0 ports; many offer four, and some up to six. A majority of notebooks include a four-pin FireWire (IEEE 1394) port for connecting an external drive or a digital-video camcorder. Others now include eSATA ports for high-speed data transfers.

Built-in Ethernet now comes standard on all portables, with many models carrying gigabit Ethernet. Many laptops also have built-in Bluetooth. Notebooks using the Intel Core Duo or Core 2 Duo processors -- or AMD's Turion 64 X2 processor -- include Intel's wireless 802.11a/b/g chip set.

Some laptops come with built-in wireless broadband wide-area networking, enabling them to access, for example, Verizon Wireless's EvDO Broadband Access service.

Most also include a multiformat flash card reader, which can read Secure Digital, MultiMediaCard, Memory Stick, Memory Stick Duo and xD formats.

The specs explained

Before shopping for a laptop, consider how you'll be using it. If your primary goal is to get some word processing or spreadsheet work done while staying on top of e-mail, a netbook (priced at less than $500) will meet your needs. But a netbook does entail some sacrifices: a smaller processor, about 1GB of RAM, not much in the way of hard drive space, no optical drive, and (at biggest) a 10.2-inch screen. On the surface not much separates the netbooks from sexy lightweight notebooks, but the specs under the hood (and a big screen inside it) can inflate an ultraportable's price to as much as $2,000 more than a typical netbook.

Remember that most vendors let you custom-build and -price your own laptop by picking from a mind-boggling array of features, which gives you a lot of control over the final product. You may be able to afford a faster notebook by accepting a smaller, less-expensive hard drive or DVD-ROM/CD-RW drive, instead of a BD-ROM.

Unlike those on desktop PCs, only some of the components (such as memory and the hard drive) are upgradable; others (such as the graphics board) are permanent once they're installed at the factory. That's slowly changing, as some manufacturers begin to incorporate upgradable graphics. But take your time and pick only what you need. Following is a rough breakout of some configuration options.

Important consideration: Installed memory. The more installed memory your laptop has, the more applications you can run at once, and the better your machine will perform. Ease of access aside, upgrading memory in a notebook is a bit trickier than with a desktop, so buy as much memory pre-installed as you can afford. Laptops with 2GB of RAM are optimal. If you're running Windows Vista on a laptop, consider upgrading to 3GB of RAM (or more if your notebook uses a 64-bit version of the OS).

Important consideration: Processor. The CPU determines how quickly a notebook runs applications and performs on-screen tasks. Core Duo and Core 2 Duo processors are good choices for speedy processing. Atom processors appear only in budget-friendly netbooks, so plan according to your needs.

Important consideration: Screen size. The specified size of a laptop's LCD screen represents a diagonal measurement. The larger the screen, the higher the maximum resolution and the more information you can view at once. At this point, most notebooks are wide-screen models; if you want a laptop with a standard-aspect screen you'll have to search a bit, but they are still available. The aspect ratio seen on some newer 16-inch laptop screens offers the ideal resolution for viewing high-definition movies on the go.

Important consideration: Screen coating. A laptop's LCD panel is only as good as it looks when you look into it. Can you see text and images clearly when you're viewing them in broad daylight? Many notebooks that look sharp on store shelves (thanks to their extra-glossy coatings) may be tough to work with outdoors or in a coffee shop. So keep in mind not only how you plan to use your notebook, but where you want to use it.

Somewhat important: Hard drive. The larger the hard drive, the more data you can keep on your laptop. Most cheap netbooks offer 80GB drives at this point, so why not give yourself a little room to grow? If you plan to work with databases, spreadsheets or digital photo or video files, opt for a large drive. Be sure to find out the hard drive's speed, too. Older, slower drives run at 4200 rpm, and most current drives clock in at 5400 rpm; but a 7200-rpm model will offer better speed in data-read-intensive tasks.

Somewhat important: Expansion bays. The more expansion bays your laptop has, the more options you'll have for switching in new optical drives or other storage drives. But switching drives takes time, and modular components aren't as common as they used to be. As laptops gravitate toward flush form factors and unibody designs, may find that your only practical option is to lug around external drives that plug in through USB ports.

Somewhat important: Optical drives. Most manufacturers offer laptops with rewritable DVD drives, which give you the most flexibility. Alternatively, you could purchase a notebook with a DVD-ROM/CD-RW drive, to save money.

Laptop shopping tips

Are you ready to buy a notebook? Here are our recommendations for specifications that will fit the needs of the average user.

A 2.0-GHz Core 2 Duo processor. For everyday work -- word processing, spreadsheets, e-mail -- you don't need the latest, greatest (read: "most expensive") processor, but thankfully, with the Core Duo, you get strong performance and great battery life.

2GB or more of memory. Anything less will slow your work. The only new machines that still carry less than 2GB of RAM are netbooks. Upgrade to a 64-bit OS if you want to carry more than 3GB on your laptop.

Supplemental battery. If you want more time away from an outlet, buy a higher-capacity supplementary battery when you purchase the laptop, or buy a notebook that has a modular bay capable of holding a supplementary power pack. Secondary batteries usually cost between $99 and $200.

A 13.3-inch wide screen. A screen larger than 12.1 inches permits higher resolutions. Unless you're pinching pennies -- or you crave a tiny laptop -- bigger is usually better, especially on your eyes.

A 160GB hard drive. Even some netbooks that cost under $500 are bundling a 160GB hard drive (granted, they spin slowly at 4200 rpm). So if you can get a large hard drive in your unit, do so. And as tempting as a solid-state drive may sound, it's an expensive choice for relatively little storage capacity.

A touchpad pointing device. Pointing devices are a matter of taste. Most people, however, find a touchpad easier to use than a pointing stick. For people who can't decide between a touchpad and an eraserhead pointing device, some notebooks include both. If you buy one of these, make sure that it provides two sets of mouse buttons -- one for the touchpad and the other for the eraserhead -- so you don't have to stretch to reach.

Multiple USB ports. Many laptops now come with two or more USB 2.0 ports, useful for connecting more of the latest peripherals.

All-in-one design. Unless you need a lightweight notebook, opt for one with an internal bay for the optical drive. This design enables you to swap in other devices, such as an extra hard drive or a second battery.

Is Envy Getting the Best of You?

2009-02-26T04:24:00.000+11:00

Nowadays, people divulge tons of private life details. But TMI can create covetous feelings that wreak havoc on self-esteem.

Telling people how much money you make or the number of orgasms you had last night used to be considered inappropriate. But in today’s confessional society, we’re encouraged to spill — or even brag — about all the good things that happen to us.

Trouble is, this oversharing has given rise to a new level of envy. “Status is much more important than it used to be, and we’re way more competitive,” says Jean Twenge, PhD, author of Generation Me. “People want others to know they’re living well. And since there’s more pressure than ever to keep up, hearing intimate details of someone’s life can make you feel envious.”

Adding to the problem is our heightened level of brand awareness. When people wear their financial prosperity on their sleeve (sometimes literally), you know how much their wardrobe cost without their telling you. And since no Cosmo girl should ever feel inferior, we’ve asked experts to explain why this new breed of envy is so toxic and how you can cope.

Who Works Our Envy Nerve
Not everybody has the ability to conjure up covetous feelings. “It may not bother you that an acquaintance or someone older has something you don’t,” says Linda Centeno, PhD, psychologist in private practice in New Jersey. But when it’s a friend or a person on your level, it can be harder to take, because you feel you deserve the same things. Kerri, 25, can relate. “My boss has lots of designer purses, and it doesn’t bug me because she’s reached a place where she should have them,” she says. “But when my friend got a raise and bought a Louis Vuitton bag, I was jealous because I can’t afford one.”

More often than not, envy stems from insecurity. And everyone has an Achilles’ heel — whether it relates to the size of their bank account or the size of their butt. So when another chick offers up that she was willed 10 grand from her great-aunt or that she dropped two pants sizes, it can magnify feelings of inadequacy. “Women tend to compare themselves to others,” says Polly Young-Eisendrath, PhD, author of The Self-Esteem Trap. “And how they stack up can affect their self-esteem.”

How to Deal in the Moment
Rather than sitting around listening to a friend go on and on about her $20,000 bonus or the designer shoes she just scored on sale, reroute the conversation in a nonaggressive way. “If someone’s bragging, change the subject to something neutral that will grab her interest,” suggests communication coach Peggy Klaus, author of Brag: The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It. For example, when your friend starts yapping about her trip to Paris, say something like, “You’ll never believe who hooked up last weekend!”

If she doesn’t take the hint, try a more direct approach. “Tell her the topic makes you uncomfortable,” says Klaus. Most people will respect your boundaries and shut it.

Let Those Icky Feelings Motivate You
No matter how adept you become at defusing envy-inducing situations, you’re still bound to get green-eyed once in a while. “The trick is to allow envy to motivate you to improve your life,” says Darlene Mininni, PhD, author of The Emotional Toolkit.

Sick of listening to your friend gush about her amazing guy? Make a pact with yourself to go on a date a week until you meet someone you like.

Practice What You Preach
Finally, since you know jealousy is a lousy feeling, don’t subject others to it. “You can share private details with close friends, but tell people things based on their own situations,” says Klaus. For example, text your happily coupled-up best friend that your man dropped the L bomb. Dying to tell someone about your recent promotion? Call and dish to your übersuccessful cousin. When someone feels secure about the subject matter, they won’t feel envious.

Also, try using a humble tone and complimenting the person you’re talking to. When telling a friend about a pricey new dress, mentioning that it will look great on her when she borrows it will leave her feeling good about herself...and happy for you.

Come On, Get Happy

2009-02-26T04:19:00.000+11:00

With some mental exercises and patience, living happier isn't just a pipe dream.

Happiness isn't a shapeless myth that hippies throw around like a Frisbee. Research shows that happy people not only have a better attitude in life but they tend to be healthier and live longer. One study from University College London showed that happiness improves certain bodily functions that help prevent cardiovascular disease and diabetes. And a Yale University study found that optimists live more than seven years longer than pessimists.

Being happier isn't all about money, parties and social status. If you pay attention to doing things that make you happier, keep an open mind and put in the effort, you can be well on your way to loving your life in 30 days. So go ahead and smile, because you're about to embark on a change that can only end in sheer delight.

Training Your Brain

Being happier starts with priming your brain to think happier or positive thoughts. "Whether you like it or not, facts are facts. You might not enjoy the fact you're facing but you can control your emotional response to it. Do it with a positive attitude and you'll get through it a lot quicker than if you agonize and lament over it," says Michael Anthony, author of the e-book How to be Happy and Have Fun Changing the World.

Louise Bluth,* a 37-year-old sales manager, found it difficult to be happier after living through an abusive childhood. "I was always told that I was a failure and a loser, and that I was the shame of the family," she says.

She decided she didn't deserve to be that unhappy and started volunteering for a suicide helpline. Her training stressed the concept of getting into the mind of a suicidal person to be able to show them possible solutions to their problems. "This proved to me that your state of mind could be changed, and so you can become happier," she says. Louise started taking Buddhist meditation classes, where she further learned how to prime her mind for happiness. "I learned that my happiness was up to me," she says.

It's hard to change your mindset overnight, so you might have to draw your positive brain waves out of hiding. One way to do this is by reciting a daily affirmation or a mantra. This statement can be repeated daily to get your brain ready to think happier thoughts.

Fear of Living Happier

There's a fear of failure that people encounter when it comes to being happier. Fear can make you revert to some old, unhealthy habits and behaviors just to enjoy that comfortable feeling again.

"Recognize that fear, recognize that you're human and just put it aside," says Debbie Gisonni, author of The Goddess of Happiness: A Down-to-Earth Guide for Heavenly Balance and Bliss. "Don't think about it. Instead of thinking about what could happen, keep focusing on what you want to happen."

Another way to handle the fears of being happier is through volunteer work. As Anthony says, when you're helping others, "you're being very positive with your time and then there's that satisfaction -- the feeling of greatness that comes from helping others."

When Scott Harrison decided to change his life to be happier, he never realized that he would question everything he held true. In 2004, the New York City resident realized that his work promoting nightclubs and fashion events was utterly unfulfilling. "I was one of the most miserable people I knew," he says.

In order to live a happier life, Scott changed his life drastically. He re-examined his faith and volunteered a year of service as a photographer for Mercy Ships, a non-profit that offers free medical care to poor countries around the world.

"I had to see 5,000 people standing in a field with horrible tumors, cleft lips and palates, the blind, the lame," he says. "I cried a lot, I prayed a lot and I doubted a lot, too. How could a God allow this stuff to happen?"

These tragedies didn't stop Scott from continuing to pursue his dream of helping others. "I was lucky to be able to focus on what we could do -- on the thousands of lives we could and did radically transform," he explains. His change was so successful that he started his own non-profit called "Charity," and Scott feels that he's happiest when he's helping others.

Helpful Happiness Tips

"Active gratitude -- counting your blessings and actually taking time during the day to do so -- is probably the single most important habit," says David Leonhardt, known as "The Happy Guy" and author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: The 9 Habits of Maximum Happiness. "From the paperclip to our cars to our health to our freedoms -- if we don't actively appreciate it, then we're not going to get all the happiness out of any other habit or any other change we make."

Being grateful helped Katsuaki Tsukamoto be happier. The 35-year-old carpenter had always felt a bit of emptiness in his life. "I thought I needed to have something or own something to make me happy," he says.

He had an epiphany while on a bike ride one beautiful day. "I suddenly realized that my bicycle was a gift, but more than that, I started feeling that everything was a gift in some sense," he says. "I really felt appreciation for the miracle of the moment and was grateful that I could experience it."

For many, this epiphany doesn't come naturally in the first 30 days. A gratitude journal documenting everything you're grateful for can often help remind you of all the good things in your life. Every day, simply write three to five things that you appreciated about that day.

Happier Living

Your success in the first 30 days and beyond will be dependent on how well you make time for the things that make you happy. Whether it's completing a Sudoku puzzle, catching up with a friend or painting, you should always strive for a balance between the things you have to do and the things you want to do.

Your success won't be measured in this month, but over your lifetime. For Scott, his charity work is so connected to his overall happiness that he no longer views them as mutually exclusive.

"I don't really think about the word 'happiness,' but I guess I am," he says. "It's just what I do now. I love it and can't imagine ever doing anything else."

His Dating Diary: Why Do We Repeat Emotional Mistakes?

2009-02-17T02:01:00.000+11:00

We humans are a funny breed … we tend to learn from physical mistakes but when it comes to matters of the heart and falling in love, many of us are gluttons for punishment who repeat patterns again and again.

Part of human intelligence is learning from mistakes. The common example is when a child touches a hot stove for the first time. That child knows never to touch that stove again because of the physical pain it caused.

But why do we repeat so many mistakes when it comes to our emotions?

We learn at work when we make mistakes. We learn from horrible non-dating experiences in life:

One time I went to a concert when I was 15, thinking I had to get there as soon as the doors opened. But when a long-haired hooligan named Vinnie Moore opened for them with the phrase: "This one's called Cinnabon," before making my ears bleed with hellish guitar licks. I learned, at that point, never to attend the opening act portion of a concert.

I've learned to avoid saying stupid things to girls: Once you've complimented a girl on how great her outfit looks, don't try to double-compliment her by saying it looks like she got a great deal at Target, too (only other girls can get away with that).

Emotional mistakes? Seems like we are gluttons for punishment. Here are some common emotional mistakes that people can make, and often repeat:

Taking them back: You broke up with him, but even if he was a total jerk there is still a soft spot in your heart. You remember the good times, and — hey — it's not THAT fun being single. Often, we end up taking back people who have hurt us in the past or who just didn't work out. Not sure how often this works out, but doesn't it seem like we would be able to say "no"?

Believing this time, he or she is "The One": I'm so guilty of this one — I get a number, I meet a girl, I feel like there is some kind of magical cloud hanging over me. I'm still single, so obviously I have been way off with these predictions. I mistakenly believe I've met "The One" about two times a year. You'd think that I'd learn not to get so ahead of myself at "Hello."

Getting lied to repeatedly: Isn't it terrible when someone stays in a relationship while they are being lied to? It seems like everyone on the outside knows what's going on, but that person in the relationship believes everything to the point of blindness. In a perfect world, we'd learn from one lie, but often we think that lies are isolated incidents when in fact we could be getting lied to repeatedly.

Staying with someone wrong for you (a.k.a. "I can change him/her"): Why do we stay with people when they are jerks, and why do we keep thinking we can change people? It's much better to be alone than to be dating a jerk. Why can't we apply that common sense?

Mistaking physical intimacy for emotional intimacy: When we are in the heat of the moment, emotional closeness gets all intertwined with physical closeness. Sometimes we feel that if we get close physically, it will eventually lead to a close emotional connection. I can say I have never gotten into anything special that was sparked by a physical connection and, believe me, I've tried. The deeper relationships grow out of a gradual emotional connection. Nevertheless, sometimes we think if we have sex, then something might come of it.

Emotional pain is much more complicated than physical pain or a mistake at work that you learn from and never repeat. I guess Pat Benatar was right when she sang "Love Is a Battlefield," but it's a shame that we must go through pain and make multiple mistakes to get to where we want to be in the dating world. Humans naturally want to trust and love. We want to believe that the good in everyone will prevail, and it's devastating to come to grips with the fact that you may have misjudged someone. This is why we are prone to repeat emotional mistakes.

We are left to choose between withdrawing from dating, or going through the mistakes until you find The One, because it's almost impossible to know for sure that something will not be an emotional mistake until after it's too late.

13 Things Not to Share with Your Co-workers

2009-02-17T01:56:00.000+11:00

It’s happened to everyone before. The constant flow of words that just keep coming, long after you’ve made your point (if there ever was one) and even longer after people stopped caring. The kind of gibberish that just won’t stop unless someone else starts talking. The type of chatter that inevitably ends with you wishing you’d put a sock in it.

Yes, verbal diarrhea is never a good thing – but it can be worse in some places more than others.

Like the workplace.

There are certain things co-workers need not know about each other – your baby-making plans and stomach issues, for example – but some folks just can’t seem to keep their mouths shut.

Some people talk to hear the sound of their own voice; others share because they don’t really have a life and, by revealing details you’d rather not know, they create the illusion of one, says Linda Lopeke, a career advancement expert and creator of SmartStart Virtual Mentoring Programs. “Then there is the person who believes gossip, even about them, creates instant emotional intimacy. It doesn’t.”

Walk the line

Because people spend more time at the office with co-workers than anywhere (or anyone) else, some workers have trouble drawing the line between business and friendship, says Susan Solovic, co-founder and CEO of SBTV.com, and author of three books, including “Reinvent Your Career: Attain the Success You Desire and Deserve.”

“It’s a social environment as well as a work environment. However, you must remember while you can be friendly and develop a good rapport, business is business and friendship is friendship.”

Most workers don’t realize that what they say has as much impact on their professional images as what they wear, Lopeke says. People who say too much, about themselves or others, can be seen as incompetent, unproductive and unworthy of professional development.

To avoid your next case of verbal diarrhea, here are 13 things to never share or discuss with your co-workers.

1. Salary information
What you earn is between you and Human Resources, Solovic says. Disclosure indicates you aren’t capable of keeping a confidence.

2. Medical history
“Nobody really cares about your aches and pains, your latest operation, your infertility woes or the contents of your medicine cabinet,” Lopeke says. To your employer, your constant medical issues make you seem like an expensive, high-risk employee.

3. Gossip
Whomever you’re gossiping with will undoubtedly tell others what you said, Solovic says. Plus, if a co-worker is gossiping with you, most likely he or she will gossip about you.

4. Work complaints
Constant complaints about your workload, stress levels or the company will quickly make you the kind of person who never gets invited to lunch, Solovic warns. If you don’t agree with company policies and procedures, address it through official channels or move on.

5. Cost of purchases
The spirit of keeping up with the Joneses is alive and well in the workplace, Lopeke says, but you don’t want others speculating on the lifestyle you’re living –or if you’re living beyond your salary bracket.

6. Intimate details
Don’t share intimate details about your personal life. Co-workers can and will use the information against you, Solovic says.

7. Politics or religion
“People have strong, passionate views on both topics,” Solovic says. You may alienate a co-worker or be viewed negatively in a way that could impact your career.

8. Lifestyle changes
Breakups, divorces and baby-making plans should be shared only if there is a need to know, Lopeke says. Otherwise, others will speak for your capabilities, desires and limitations on availability, whether there is any truth to their assumptions or not.

9. Blogs or social networking profile
What you say in a social networking community or in your personal blog may be even more damaging than what you say in person, Solovic warns. “Comments online can be seen by multiple eyes. An outburst of anger when you are having a bad day … can blow up in your face.”

10. Negative views of colleagues
If you don’t agree with a co-worker’s lifestyle, wardrobe or professional abilities, confront that person privately or keep it to yourself, Lopeke says. The workplace is not the venue for controversy.

11. Hangovers and wild weekends
It’s perfectly fine to have fun during the weekend, but don’t talk about your wild adventures on Monday, Solovic advises. That information can make you look unprofessional and unreliable.

12. Personal problems and relationships – in and out of the office
“Failed marriages and volatile romances spell instability to an employer,” Lopeke says. Office romances lead to gossip and broken hearts, so it’s best to steer clear. “The safest way to play is to follow the rule, ‘Never get your honey where you get your money.’”

13. Off-color or racially charged comments
You can assume your co-worker wouldn’t be offended or would think something is funny, but you might be wrong, Solovic says. Never take that risk. Furthermore, even if you know for certain your colleague wouldn’t mind your comment, don’t talk about it at work. Others can easily overhear.

Five Things Happy People Do

2009-02-12T20:59:00.000+11:00

There just may be a hidden formula for joy! Experts reveal the secrets of happy women.

Sages going back to Socrates have offered advice on how to be happy, but only now are scientists beginning to address this question with systematic, controlled research. Although many of the new studies reaffirm time-honored wisdom ("Do what you love," "To thine own self be true"), they also add a number of fresh twists and insights. We canvassed the leading experts on what happy people have in common—and why it's worth trying to become one of them:

They find their most golden self. Picture happiness. What do you see? A peaceful soul sitting in a field of daisies appreciating the moment? That kind of passive, pleasure-oriented—hedonic—contentment is definitely a component of overall happiness. But researchers now believe that eudaimonic well-being may be more important. Cobbled from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or "deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward excellence based on one's unique talents and potential—Aristotle considered it to be the noblest goal in life. In his time, the Greeks believed that each child was blessed at birth with a personal daimon embodying the highest possible expression of his or her nature. One way they envisioned the daimon was as a golden figurine that would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of cheap pottery (the person's base exterior). The effort to know and realize one's most golden self—"personal growth," in today's lingo—is now the central concept of eudaimonia, which has also come to include continually taking on new challenges and fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.

"Eudaimonic well-being is much more robust and satisfying than hedonic happiness, and it engages different parts of the brain," says Richard J. Davidson, PhD, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "The positive emotion accompanying thoughts that are directed toward meaningful goals is one of the most enduring components of well-being." Eudaimonia is also good for the body. Women who scored high on psychological tests for it (they were purposefully engaged in life, pursued self-development) weighed less, slept better, and had fewer stress hormones and markers for heart disease than others—including those reporting hedonic happiness—according to a study led by Carol Ryff, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

They design their lives to bring in joy. It may seem obvious, but "people don't devote enough time to thinking seriously about how they spend their life and how much of it they actually enjoy," says David Schkade, PhD, a psychologist and professor of management at the University of California, San Diego. In a recent study, Schkade and colleagues asked more than 900 working women to write down everything they'd done the day before. Afterward, they reviewed their diaries and evaluated how they felt at each point. When the women saw how much time they spent on activities they didn't like, "some people had tears in their eyes," Schkade says. "They didn't realize their happiness was something they could design and have control over."

Analyzing one's life isn't necessarily easy and may require questioning long-held assumptions. A high-powered career might, in fact, turn out to be unfulfilling; a committed relationship once longed for could end up being irritating with all the compromising that comes with having a partner. Dreams can be hard to abandon, even when they've turned sour.

Fortunately, changes don't have to be big ones to tip the joy in your favor. Schkade says that if you transfer even an hour of your day from an activity you hate (commuting, scrubbing the bathroom) to one you like (reading, spending time with friends), you should see a significant improvement in your overall happiness. Taking action is key. Another recent study, at the University of Missouri, compared college students who made intentional changes (joining a club, upgrading their study habits) with others who passively experienced positive turns in their circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being relieved of a bad roommate). All the students were happier in the short term, but only the group who made deliberate changes stayed that way.

They avoid "if only" fantasies. If only I get a better job…find a man…lose the weight…life will be perfect. Happy people don't buy into this kind of thinking.

The latest research shows that we're surprisingly bad at predicting what will make us happy. People also tend to misjudge their contentment when zeroing in on a single aspect of their lives—it's called the focusing illusion. In one study, single subjects were asked, "How happy are you with your life in general?" and "How many dates did you have last month?" When the dating question was asked first, their romantic lives weighed more heavily into how they rated their overall happiness than when the questions were reversed.

The other argument against "if only" fantasies has to do with "hedonic adaptation"—the brain's natural dimming effect, which guarantees that a new house won't generate the same pleasure a year after its purchase and the thrill of having a boyfriend will ebb as you get used to being part of a couple. Happy people are wise to this, which is why they keep their lives full of novelty, even if it's just trying a new activity (diving, yoga) or putting a new spin on an old favorite (kundalini instead of vinyasa).

They put best friends first. It's no surprise that social engagement is one of the most important contributors to happiness. What's news is that the nature of the relationship counts. Compared with dashing around chatting with acquaintances, you get more joy from spending longer periods of time with a close friend, according to research by Meliksah Demir, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Northern Arizona University. And the best-friend benefit doesn't necessarily come from delving into heavy discussions. One of the most essential pleasures of close friendship, Demir found, is simple companionship, "just hanging out," as he says, hitting the mall or going to the movies together and eating popcorn in the dark.

They allow themselves to be happy. As much as we all think we want it, many of us are convinced, deep down, that it's wrong to be happy (or too happy). Whether the belief comes from religion, culture, or the family you were raised in, it usually leaves you feeling guilty if you're having fun.

"Some people would say you shouldn't strive for personal happiness until you've taken care of everyone in the world who is starving or doesn't have adequate medical care," says Howard Cutler, MD, who co-authored The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World with the Dalai Lama. "The Dalai Lama believes you should pursue both simultaneously. For one thing, there is clear research showing that happy people tend to be more open to helping others. They also make better spouses and parents." And in one famous study, nuns whose autobiographies expressed positive emotions (such as gratitude and optimism) lived seven to 10-and-a-half years longer than other nuns. So, for any die-hard pessimist who still needs persuading, just think of how much more you can help the world if you allow a little happiness into your life.

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman

2009-02-12T20:56:00.002+11:00

Do you really have it "under control"?

Madame, that is by far the ugliest nose I have ever seen, and I compliment you on it—it suits you!
—Peter Sellers, "The Pink Panther"

It's true: Some comments are better left unsaid.

But as a sophisticated man of the 21st century, you already know this. You know you're not supposed to comment on your girlfriend's weight, or tell her that her friends are hot. And you know she probably feels the same way you do about the phrase, "Can we still be friends?"

Additionally, you've found that honesty, while valued in most situations, can sometimes offend. What you say to defuse tension in an argument often stokes the fire. We understand that the female psyche can be complicated, and we're here to demystify what may seem like strategically placed trapdoors.

Here are 10 things most women don't want to hear:

1) "What did you do to your hair?"
Unless we've cut our own hair—this is not common—someone else did something to our hair. It wasn't us. And most likely we've gone to a lot of trouble and expense for it. "I like your new haircut" is infinitely better, and shows you're paying attention. It's also far superior to the generic "You look different," which tells us you're as clueless as ever.

2) "They both look the same to me."
We understand you care a lot less than we do about the outfits or the registry dishware we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision—or worse, that you don't care.

3) "Relax."
A kissing cousin to "Don't get so worked up," this generally creates the exact opposite effect you're shooting for. When you say "Relax," what we hear is that you think that we're being irrational over nothing, and this makes us do anything but relax.

4) "I've got it all under control."
Ha! Famous last words. Refrain from using them if you don't want us to take fiendish delight in your getting lost because you won't stop for directions (if we're late, there will be fiendish fuming), or because you're missing a piece to your flat-screen television because you said you didn't need to read the assembly instructions.

5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Yikes. Chivalry may be nearly dead, but saying this will drive the last spear through its heart. Feminist or not, a woman is likely to be offended by the question. Just be yourself. Be kind, open the door, offer to pay, and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity.

6) "When are you due?"
Take one second to imagine a woman turning to you and responding, "I'm not pregnant," or "I had the baby six months ago," and you'll understand why you should eradicate this question from your vocabulary. In one nanosecond, innocent—even considerate—curiosity can turn to deadly, if unintentional, offense. And there's just no way to recover from this one.

7) "You're being emotional."
In the heat of the moment this may be true. But unless you want your partner to become more emotional or get angry, you're better off keeping this observation and its off-limits follow-up question—"Is it that time of month?"—to yourself.

8) "You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend."
All three are problematic. An ex should be mentioned sparingly, and never in comparison. Why would we want to remind you of a person you broke up with? And come to mention it, why are you thinking about her? You see the slippery slope. Conjuring an image of our mother or your mother can be equally grating. We want you to treat us as individuals and not as mere products of your (or our) upbringing.

9) "You complete me."
We've seen "Jerry Maguire" and most other romantic comedies far more often than you, and while we may (or may not) like cheesy movie lines, they usually fail in real life. We understand that the possibility of romance makes inexplicable things come out of a man's—and sometimes a woman's—mouth, but keep the compliments real and honest and sincere and say you love someone when you mean it.

10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
Yes. She should be eating it. Even if she told you she's given it up.

Good Boss, Bad Boss

2009-02-12T20:56:00.001+11:00

Whether you're in charge of kids, a cleaning lady or a staff of thousands, you're the boss. But are you a good one - or a controlling dominatrix? Martha Beck gives you an eye-opening lesson in leadership.

Few things incite a frothing, wild-eyed rage like asking people to talk about bad bosses. People aren't just annoyed by poor leadership– they sputter and snarl as they describe their superiors, lusting for the chance to hit that bad boss with a perfect, withering insult. Or perhaps a truck.

It's a little scary, then, to realize that we're all likely to occupy a leadership role, from motherhood to mogulhood, at some point in our lives. When we blow it, our imperfections will be magnified by our authority. Leadership is simply too complex to do perfectly. I believe that the key to being a better boss lies in accepting that fact. Ineffective leaders expect their role to be easy and think– no matter what– that they're doing the job just right. Although good leaders often begin with similar expectations, convinced they're natural-born chieftains, they soon run smack-dab into a little thing called Monday morning. The best leaders let go of the fantasy and become fully present and responsive to the complexities of each new situation. They're the ones– the few, the proud, the downright worshipped– who earn their followers' respect. To become one of them, you need to turn bad-boss behaviors on their head to find your way toward good-boss techniques.

Bad-boss self-concept: As a leader, I'll be a higher-up.

Good-boss self-concept: As a leader, I'll have to go lower down.

The bad-boss tales I've heard include many stories of managers demanding the undoable, responding to objections by simply reiterating that it had to be done. This creates nothing but hostility. "If you want to govern the people, you must place yourself below them," said the philosopher Lao-tzu (who is my favorite management consultant, despite having been dead for centuries). That doesn't mean you become a slave to your followers' whims. Great bosses acknowledge their own ignorance and ask questions of everyone to gain a better grasp of two important things: What's going on? What needs to be done?

Bad-boss target setting: Now that I'm the boss, I give orders to others.

Good-boss target setting: Now that I'm the boss, I bring order to what others do.

Many people thrill to giving orders or critiques but have unclear, uninformed or ambivalent ideas about what they're actually trying to accomplish– that is, they know what they want this second, but the big picture is as fuzzy as a winter mink. Leading well means forming a crystal clear image of what must happen and communicating that precisely. After giving an assignment, ask that person to describe the task in their own words. If they can't, or if the account they give doesn't match what you were trying to convey, you need to try a new tack. The first step could be as easy as clarifying your directives– or you might have to rethink your organizational chart and who reports to whom.

Bad-boss position on feedback: Now everyone must tell me when I'm right.

Good-boss position on feedback: Now everyone must tell me when I'm wrong.

Most humans go through the world trying to elicit validation. Al Preble, a leadership consultant for Cambridge Leadership Group in Cambridge, Massachusetts, says this isn't the way to go. The most powerful way for leaders to communicate, he believes, is to use just three simple steps. When a problem arises:
1. Clearly tell your subordinate what you really think.
2. Describe the facts that led you to this opinion.
3. Ask to be disconfirmed; in other words, honestly request that people tell you where you're wrong.

Bad-boss protection strategy: As a boss, I'll be protected from taking blame.

Good-boss protection strategy: As a boss, I'll protect others by taking blame.

The successful bosses I interviewed emphasized that a good leader helps her followers feel safe from the dangers that come from both inside and outside the organization. An incompetent supervisor, on the other hand, feels that the best way to secure her position is to appear faultless, and works mightily to make clear who fouled up or even to lay blame on a scapegoat. But that behavior turns people into twitchy, record-keeping, blame-tallying masses of ectoplasm.

Bad-boss problem solving: Being the boss means I can avoid problems.

Good-boss problem solving: Being the boss means I must seek out problems.

You can tell if you're making mistakes as a leader because things go wrong– not just one catastrophic computer snafu but repeated errors. Bad bosses turn away from these realities. They don't discuss problems; they just hunker down and hope the issue will go away. It won't. Untreated, a minor concern becomes a major issue becomes a catastrophe.

This is the core of good leadership, whether you're managing a corporation, your immediate family, or just your own life. Lao-tzu puts it this way: "When [the Master] runs into a difficulty, she stops and gives herself to it. She doesn't cling to her own comfort; thus problems are no problem for her." Embracing the fact that you'll encounter many obstacles– and that this is all right– allows you to understand, listen, give clear instructions, invite negative feedback, and protect those you lead. You'll be comfortable with leadership, even when it's uncomfortable. And that will make you an easy act to follow.

Warning Signs You Can't Ignore

2009-02-12T20:55:00.001+11:00

Buying a home? Selecting a surgeon? Trying to tell if she's true? The FBI's best profilers are standing by to help you spot, and avoid, big trouble.

Before John Douglas became one of the FBI's most legendary crime stalkers, he wanted to be a veterinarian, so he spent a lot of time working on farms. "I always wondered how cows got out of those barbed-wire fences," he recounts. "But then I realized what a cow does all day. He stands around chewing his cud and looking at the fence. Eventually, if you look at something long enough, you see weakness. Trouble is, most people don't spend much time looking."

You could say that Douglas's farm experience became a metaphor for his 25 years at the Bureau. He has a knack for spotting holes, weaknesses, and clues (not to mention bullshit) that other investigators miss. In professional parlance, he is a profiler--an agent specially trained in observation, investigation, and interpretation. By studying the facts of a case, inspecting forensic evidence, and reviewing law-enforcement witness interviews, profilers can often predict things about an offender long before he's apprehended. At times, good profilers can appear almost clairvoyant, but it's actually their highly evolved sense of awareness and deductive reasoning that's at work.

Douglas and other adept profilers are about to teach you the same skills they honed at the acclaimed behavioral science unit of the FBI Academy in Quantico, Virginia. You don't have to be a crime victim to take advantage of this knowledge. Most of their techniques can be used to minimize risks that arise in all sorts of everyday situations.

Indeed, in a world that seems more threatening and filled with more people trying to take advantage of you every day, there's no better time to learn a new way of protecting yourself.

What follows are descriptions of eight situations you may eventually find yourself facing. For each, our team has assembled a checklist of things to look for to minimize your vulnerability or risk.

Good luck with your investigation.

Find out if she's cheating

You have a creeping suspicion she's seeing some creep. Here's how to conduct an interview that'll make her divulge the truth.

Work from a "zero behavioral baseline," advises Mark Safarik, a 23-year veteran of the Bureau who now runs FBSI, a Virginia-based company dedicated to crime-scene analysis and threat assessment. In other words, look for sudden deviations in her usual conduct: a new hairstyle and clothes, more concern with hygiene and fitness, prolonged absences, less interest in sex.
If enough signs exist, set a trap. Buy two romantic cards that are exactly the same. Send one to her at work, unsigned. If she's having an affair, she won't mention it, because she won't know who sent it.
Now "play" the second card. Tell her you need to talk. "Make sure it's after dark," says Douglas, "because it'll make her feel more relaxed." Sit at a table on which you previously placed the second card. Don't make it too obvious, but be sure she notices it.

This is called "introducing a stressor."

Don't confront her with the card. Instead, look in her eyes and ask, "Are you having an affair?" Study what she does next. If she repeats the question, drops her eyes, looks away, folds her arms, licks her lips, crosses her legs, or picks some invisible lint off her clothing, she's stalling and is probably guilty. It's time to go in stronger.
Ask the question again, this time glancing at the card but still not fully acknowledging it. If she truly has something to hide, she'll become increasingly agitated.
Finally, to spark a confession, provide what FBI interrogators call a "face-saving scenario." Say this: "I know we've been having problems, and I don't blame you if you did this, but I just want the truth." "If she's being perceived as a victim," says Douglas, who has used this technique to crack many criminals, "she'll be more likely to talk."
Don't be misled by...her denials. "I've had people pass polygraph tests and still turn out to be lying," says Douglas. "Those with a history of lying, like O.J. and Bill Clinton, are good at it. Other people besides criminals are chronic liars. Don't make the mistake of thinking everyone is honest."

See if your potential boss is a psycho

The company is booming and the benefits package is great, but will you really enjoy working for the guy behind the desk?

Case the company as you would a crime scene. How is it organized? What's its mission? What's the competition? "It's a no-lose effort," says Douglas. "The knowledge you acquire will positively shape the interview."
When you arrive, notice if the boss's door is open or closed. If it and others are shut, it's a tense work atmosphere.
Be on the lookout for superiority cues (he keeps you waiting, he doesn't rise to greet you, your chair is set lower than his). Sure, he's the boss, but he doesn't have to rub it in.
Look for the "Love-Me Wall" covered with diplomas, awards, and autographed celebrity photos. Robert Ressler, a 20-year FBI man who coined the term "serial killer," says it's basically a shrine that screams, "It's all about me." And if it's about him, that means it won't be about your needs or success.
Most important, ask yourself a few questions. Does he give me his full attention during an interview? Does he push aside the demands of the day, stop glancing at e-mail, and listen? If he does now, he'll do the same later.
Don't be misled by...family photos. "They don't mean anything," says Douglas. "I've seen pictures on desks of men with their wives, and they're divorced the next week. Sometimes it means he's trying to impress everyone by showing he's a family man. This is called 'staging the office.' He's trying to project something he's not."

Discover if it's a dream neighborhood or a nightmare on Elm Street

A house is only as great as its location. Here's how to spot a troublesome neighborhood before you hand over the down payment.

When Douglas goes to a mall and sees children performing onstage, he watches the crowd, not the kids. "Good profilers learn to look away from the focal point," he says. In this case, shift your focus from the property to what surrounds it.
Log on to the U.S. Department of Justice's national sex-offender public registry (nsopr.gov). Enter your prospective zip code to see if any offenders would be living near you. "Real-estate agents don't have to volunteer this information," says Douglas.
Ask the local police about criminal activity. Some departments have online databases that are searchable using zip codes.
Beyond the physical appearance of the surrounding properties, look at the cars parked in driveways. Are they upscale brands or candidates for Pimp My Ride? Also look at the condition of the lawns. "Yards and cars mirror personality," says Ressler.
Talk to the neighbors. See if they own or rent. Ask them about the best and worst aspects of living there.
Observe the real-estate agent as he's showing the place. Is he in a hurry? Does he make eye contact when answering questions? Ask to see certain parts of the property again, but this time watch where he's looking. (People often self-consciously glance at trouble spots.)
Stake out the area on a Saturday night. Sit in your car, roll down the window, have a snack, and observe. A neighborhood's personality can change dramatically on weekends. (If someone calls the cops on you, it's a good sign.)
Don't be misled by...the owners or the agent. Remember, they want to sell. "Always work from a constellation of behaviors and observations," says Safarik. "Don't put too much importance on any one person or attribute."

Look into the job candidate's soul

He's polite, professional, and highly qualified. But how will he perform on the job?

Employees are 15 times more likely to steal than customers are. So set up an integrity test. Leave a file marked "confidential" on the waiting-room table or a $50 bill under a magazine. Then ask the receptionist to watch if he bites.
Call human resources at his previous workplaces. Ask one telling question: Is he eligible for rehire?
Search him on all the usual Internet sites (Google, MySpace, Facebook). They may yield clues about his personality that he'd never volunteer.
Fifty percent of people lie on their résumés. If you notice discrepancies, give your prospective employee the chance to correct them. "Most people embellish. If you give them an opportunity to come clean, they will," says Clint Van Zandt, a 25-year FBI veteran who now operates his own risk-assessment company. "If he doesn't come clean, then he'll probably exhibit that same behavior on the job."
Find what FBI investigators call "spin-off." "This is a person who's not one of your target's drinking buddies, who knows something about him and is willing to share it," says Van Zandt. Ask if there's someone at his previous company he didn't get along with. Ask his references the same question. "You want to find at least one person who isn't going to paint this guy with a smiley-face brush," he adds.
Don't be misled by...secondhand information. "People naturally filter information in a way that's positive for them," says Safarik. "This could bias you. Take note of what others say, but always draw your own conclusions."

Decide if she's the one

You think you're in love. You think she'd make a great wife and mother. But don't buy the ring until you observe her in these six situations.
Dinner with your family: They know you almost as well as you know yourself. Value their opinion.
Dinner with her family: Watch how her parents treat each other. Their relationship is her role model.
An evening of babysitting: Do you see any motherly instincts emerge? Is she patient? Does she have fun? Afterward, ask if she'd like to have kids one day. Does she reply directly and comfortably, or is she evasive?
Breakfast at a diner: Observe her interaction with the waitresses. "How she handles service staff is a good indication of how she treats others," says Van Zandt.
Drinks with other women: Take her to a bar where some of your attractive female friends hang out. Is she jealous?
Hanging at her place: It's filled with clues to her true personality--books, magazines, DVDs, art. Remember that reality mimics fantasy. Also, is she living within her means? "Financial issues are a major cause of divorce," says Safarik.
Don't be misled by...your unchecked emotions. Good profilers are able to detach themselves from circumstances in order to make an honest appraisal.

Cut open the surgeon's record

You need a good one, but is the surgeon who cut out Uncle Tony's gallbladder really qualified?
Google him. You'll get a snapshot of his career accomplishments, community involvement, and any controversy that may surround him.
Give his waiting room the once-over. Is it clean and organized? Do the nurses appear in control, or harried? Are other patients growing restless? What does the man next to you think of him?
Give the doctor the once-over. Is he in good health for his age? Is he professional in presentation and demeanor?
Evaluate his time with you. Is he punctual? Is his first question about your medical insurance, or about your medical problem? Does he listen? Is he sincere? Does he profess to be able to cure anything, or does he recommend seeking other opinions?
Grill him. Most people are too trustful of doctors. Be sure to ask how long he's been practicing, how many times he's done this surgery, and what his success rate is.
Back in the parking lot, look for his car. Peek inside. If it's in shambles, he may leave your innards looking the same way.
Find out which floor of the hospital he operates on, and visit it. Casually ask the nurses for their opinions of him.
Don't be misled by...appearance. "What do bad people look like?" says Douglas. "They look like you and me. Ted Bundy was a good-looking guy, and he killed more than 20 people."

Decide whether to go to bed with her

She's been coming on to you all night. Is she another "fatal attraction"?
Measure her actions against the "zero behavioral baseline" you already have for such situations. Compared with other women, is she far from the norm in appearance, dress, and aggressiveness? If so, beware.
Try to find out if she's on the rebound. If so, she's vulnerable and more likely to latch onto you.
Is she already talking about the long term, such as vacations together? If so, that's a sign of possessiveness.
Start talking to another woman and see how woman number one reacts. If she acts jealous even though she hardly knows you, her reaction will be even stronger after you've become intimate with her.
When in doubt, ask the bartender. Chances are, he'll know her.
Don't be misled by...her sudden interest in you. "Since when did you become Brad Pitt?" asks Douglas. "Great profilers consider motive--they walk in the shoes of whoever they're trying to understand."

See if the employee is a time bomb before he blows

He's always bitching and moaning, and sometimes he even acts slightly threatening. Could he go postal?

"People are always leaking information," says Safarik, "but others never pick up on it until after the fact. You see this at school shootings all the time. Profilers learn to stop and say, 'What does he mean by that?' "
Look around his cubicle. If his walls are plastered with family photographs and shots of him fishing, he's probably not a risk. On the other hand, if the walls are blank or push-pinned with complaints, or if everything appears obsessively neat, he bears watching.
Take him to lunch and listen to his complaints. Are they reasonable? Is he upset about one thing, or everything? Is it a situation, or a person? Does he obsess about what this person has done to him? (If so, pick up the tab to get on his good side.)
Note whether he's speaking in the active or passive voice. For instance, if he says, "Someone ought to take care of that guy," it's passive. But if he says, "I'm going to get him," that's active, which elevates the level of threat.
Don't be misled by...gut instinct. Note how you feel about the situation initially, but then put those feelings aside and objectively and thoroughly gather as much information as possible. Then return to your instinct to see how it fits in.
As Sherlock Holmes, the most famous profiler of all, said, "It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts."

15 Style Mistakes You Can Fix Now

2009-02-12T20:53:00.000+11:00

Remember, it's not about being trendy, it's about looking good.

Let's face it, we all need help sometimes. And like it or not, we're judged by how we look and how we handle ourselves in social and professional settings.

The 15 style tips below aren't meant to turn you into a metrosexual—none, for instance, will instruct you to blow $600 on a pair of shoes. These tips are for the everyday guy. They're meant to help you gain confidence when you walk into a meeting or the next cocktail party, and they'll help make your wife or girlfriend feel proud to stand next to you. You're a grown man—it's time your wardrobe grew up too.

But, remember, it's not about being trendy, it's about looking good. Just follow these tips to looking better.

1. Match your belt and shoes. If you're wearing black shoes, put on a black belt. And brown shoes demand a brown belt. A good, general rule is to never mix the color of your leathers.

2. For crying out loud, pull your pants down. You may be pushing 40, but you don't need to hike up your pants like you're ready to start walking the mall. And it's even worse if you tuck in your shirt like Napoleon Dynamite.

3. On the flip side, pull up your pants. Seeing some 19-year-old's boxer shorts is bad enough; we don't need to see your tighty whities. You should have stopped buying "baggy cut" jeans years ago.

4. Pay attention to your shoes. You could be wearing $100 jeans with a sharp-looking shirt, but you'll still embarrass your wife or girlfriend with those old loafers that should have been pitched in the 1990s. Buy quality shoes that look smart and stylish. Remember, people check out shoes. Potential employers often will look at them to judge a candidate's attention to detail. Good rule of thumb: Spend your money on shoes, not shirts and pants. Also, make sure your socks are a nice "bridge" from the shoes to the pants. If you're dressing up, match the pants. If you're wearing nicer shoes with jeans -- match the shoes. And save the tube socks for the gym and lounging on weekends.

5. Wear clothes that fit properly. At this age, trying to look trendy is a cry for help. And just because that fitted (another term for "your nipples are showing") medium T-shirt looks good on Jake Gyllenhaal, that doesn't mean it looks good on you.

6. A side note to No. 5; if you're short and stocky, don't wear horizontal stripes—you'll look 3 feet tall. (My wife has to remind me of this once a year).

7. Don't worry if you're a little chunky; just wear what looks good on a guy with a little heft. You can't go wrong with black. It's slimming, classy and makes you reek of confidence.

8. Put away the tank top—even at the gym. You're not 12 years old anymore, and no one wants to smell your pits.

9. If your woman's not happy, you're not happy. After getting ready to go out, if you see concern on her face when she looks you over, change your clothes. There's a 98.9 percent chance she's right.

10. Man boobs are our kryptonite, and we have to fight back. They're an immediate turnoff to women, even though most don't mind a plump guy. Attack the problem head-on: Go to the gym, and wear clothes that don't cling to your body. We have Phil Mickelson to thank for officially raising this to a national emergency. We're at Defcon 1.

11. If you wear glasses, remember they're a window into who you are. Update them at least every other year and consider style when choosing them. And don't skimp. Expensive glasses are infinitely better than those $50 specs on special at the local mall.

12. Drop the baseball hat. Yes, it was standard issue in college, but those days are gone. The only exceptions to this rule: Working in the yard, casually hanging out, or playing drums for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

13. If you have to wear cologne, tone it down. You get points for wanting to smell good, but those points are immediately taken away when your co-workers can smell you in the break room—10 minutes after you left. Just spray a small amount into the air and walk through it. Less is more.

14. If you have a hairy chest, you cannot wear a V-neck without an undershirt. This is not 1977 and your name isn't Smokey. Or Simon Cowell, for that matter.

15. No socks with sandals. And if you do wear open-toed sandals, keep your feet groomed. Have you even looked down there since last summer? Trust us on this one.

18 Things A Grown Man Should Never Have

2009-02-12T20:52:00.000+11:00

1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.

2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.

3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.

4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.

5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.

6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.

7. An unstamped passport.

8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.

9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.

10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.

11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.

12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.

13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, "Take me on your futon."

14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.

15. A Nerf hoop in his living room. Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else's office.

16. A secret handshake.

17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald's Hamburglar ones.

18. A recent story with the phrase "So I said to the cop…" ;-)

How to Be an Optimist ?

2009-02-12T20:51:00.000+11:00

Why optimism is a way to get happier, healthier and even catnippier to the opposite sex.

Lise Funderburg argues that optimism isn't the refuge of bubbleheads; it's a scientifically proven way to get happier, healthier and even catnippier to the opposite sex.

Recent research suggests an optimistic state comes from a series of active inner processes, psychological somersaults. That's good news because it means that optimism—like other skills such as putting on eyeliner or hitting a tennis ball—is something we can improve with practice.

Here are five exercises rooted in scientific studies to help train your brain for optimism.

Play Interpersonal Ping-Pong.
If you serve up a smile to people, they usually bounce it back. Hit them with a snarl, and watch them scowl instead.
• Research shows that facial expressions and the moods that accompany them are contagious, probably because they evolved as a means of nonverbal communication between people.
• You can use the infectious effects of a grin to jump-start an optimistic outlook in yourself by sending others what you want them to lob back at you. A kind word to the man behind the deli counter can get your day bouncing in the right direction.

Short-circuit pessimism.
There's another reason for putting on a happy face: It influences your brain in a positive way.
• In one study, subjects who were asked to hold a pen in their mouths (causing them to inadvertently make the facial muscle movements characteristic of a smile) rated cartoons to be funnier than did other subjects, even though they were unaware that it was the smile that was boosting their reaction.
• There's an interesting biological reason for this effect: When you feel down, your brain tells your face you're sad, and your facial muscles respond by putting on a depressed expression—and convey back to the brain that, yes, you're feeling blue. Consciously changing the facial muscles so they don't correspond to what you're feeling is a way of sending a different message: "Hey, it's not so bad down here after all." The brain will respond by beginning to change your mood accordingly.

Explain success and failure like an optimist.
Research shows that it's not what happens that determines your mood but how you explain what happens that counts.
• If an optimist encounters a computer program she can't figure out, she's likely to say, "Either the manual is unclear, or this program is hard, or maybe I'm having an off day." The optimist keeps the failure outside herself ("the manual"), specific ("this program") and temporary ("an off day"), while the pessimist would make it internal, global and permanent.
• When success occurs, optimists say, "Of course dinner turned out; I'm a good cook," while pessimists say, "Boy, was I lucky today," literally snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. If you start to speak to yourself in a more positive way when you succeed and fail, you'll gradually become more optimistic.

Stack the deck in your favor.
It's easy to be envious: Compare yourself to those with thinner thighs and fatter bank accounts and you'll always come up wanting—and pessimistic. But the corollary is also true: No matter how bad things get, there's always someone who's worse off.
• In one simple study, subjects were randomly divided into two subgroups. One group was to finish the sentence "I wish I were a ___." The other was asked to complete the sentence "I'm glad I'm not a ___." When individuals rated their sense of satisfaction with their lives before and after this task, those who completed the "I'm glad I'm not a ___" sentence were significantly more satisfied than before.

Learn to shift your focus.
Pessimists can't stop depressing facts or negative thoughts from poking into their consciousness, but they can choose not to dwell on them.
• If you look through a camera lens, you'll find that when one part of the picture is in focus, the other areas blur a bit. (This is a distortion, sure, but sometimes we need to sustain the idea of being in a protective bubble to feel optimistic.) This active self-direction of your own moment-to-moment perspective allows you to create a new life story, one in which you take charge of your emotions and actions.
• Since research shows that those who feel they have a better sense of control tend to be the most optimistic, why not take charge of where your psychological lens is focused?

Dealing with Difficult People: 17 Tips to Keep You Sane

2009-02-12T20:50:00.000+11:00

Use the following strategies to end the emotional tug-of-war, once and for all.

I like to imagine that I’m a kind, patient person. That I embody calm when confronted with prickly personalities. That their aggravations roll off me like water off a duck’s back. But this delusion is quickly dispelled every time I have a run-in with a difficult person.

Take last week: My friend (let’s call her Liz) and I decided to meet at noon for lunch. She’s often late, so I took my time walking over to the café. But mid-stroll, I became paranoid that Liz would be punctual for once, so I rushed to be there on the dot. She was nowhere to be seen. I breathed deeply, rationalizing that now I had some coveted alone time. That lasted all of four minutes. At 12:08, I called Liz on her cell, convinced I’d given her the wrong address. She never picked up. Ten minutes later, she showed up with a big smile and zero apology.

“Oh, don’t be mad at me. You know I’m always late,” she said. “It’s just part of my personality. Besides, haven’t you enjoyed all the great people watching?" My reaction was less like a duck, more like a rabid dog. The worst part was that my emotional equilibrium had been knocked off-kilter. It took me a good 15 minutes to calm down enough to actually enjoy spending time with my friend.

Trying personalities like Liz’s are everywhere — in your home (possibly sharing your bed), at the office, in your book club. They may even be complete strangers. What makes them difficult may be an undisputed character flaw — they’re sycophantic or self-centered or perpetually gloomy — or simply a quirk that rubs you the wrong way. But inevitably, a brush with them leaves you fuming or at least out of sorts.

Instead of devising elaborate avoidance schemes or barbed comebacks, you can change your dynamic with these sanity stealers. Use the following strategies to end the emotional tug-of-war, once and for all.

Turn the Spotlight on You

“You must change how you react to people before you can change how you interact with them,” says Rick Kirschner, N.D., coauthor of Dealing with People You Can’t Stand. That requires some self-examination.

People who irritate us usually have something to show us about ourselves. “Ask yourself: How is this person holding up the mirror to me?” suggests Sandra Crowe, author of Since Strangling Isn’t an Option. For example, being around my chronically late friend reminds me how quick-tempered and impatient I can be — not my favorite traits. Reminding myself of this may keep me from bouncing off the walls when I find myself waiting for her yet again.

If it’s a good friend or intimate, think, too, about your own behavior in the relationship. Have you contributed to the strain by saying yes instead of no too many times? Did you neglect to signal early on that something was bothering you? “If you don’t look at your own actions, you end up making the other person 100 percent of the problem,” explains Susan Fee, author of Dealing with Difficult People: 83 Ways to Stay Calm, Composed, and in Control. That also puts the solution squarely in her hands — and out of yours.

Delving into the root cause of your frustration can turn up problem-solving insights. Fee provides an example from her own life: “When I first got married, my mother-in-law drove me crazy. She was always hovering and intrusive. But after asking myself again and again why she bothered me so much, I realized what was going on: Her behavior was foreign to me because I never knew what it was like to be mothered — when I was 12, my mom had a debilitating stroke. It became clear that this was just my mother-in-law’s way of showing her love for me. Once I understood that, our relationship improved.”

Switch Perspectives

“Most of the time, difficult people just want something different than we do,” says Ronna Lichtenberg, author of Work Would Be Great If It Weren’t for the People. “Or they handle things differently.”

It’s no surprise, then, that you may be your difficult person’s difficult person. It could be a matter of opposite outlooks: Super-friendly people, for instance, may be at odds with all-business-all-the-time types — and vice versa. The same goes for laid-back folks and workaholics. Understanding those basic differences gives you a glimpse of someone else’s viewpoint, which may help temper your irritation.

If you’re having trouble feeling empathetic toward someone you care about, try analyzing her behavior. This strategy worked for Alicyn Mindel, a mom of two from Providence who struggled for years with her friend “Dina,” who was a terrible listener. “Whenever I started talking about my personal problems, she would turn the conversation around to herself. Then, one day, a different pal was talking about attention-starved people, and I realized Dina fit the description perfectly. From that moment on, every time Dina and I got together, I gave her a big, long hug. The transformation was amazing: She became warmer, more open, and over time, she started asking me about my life — without segueing into her own issues.”

Choose Your Approach

Armed with your insights, you now need to decide whether to confront the perpetrator. As a general rule, you should talk things over only with someone you’re close to, whether that’s your husband or a longtime colleague. It’s probably not worth stirring the pot if you only see him once a month, like an in-law or acquaintance on the PTA board. (For people you don’t know at all — say, the salesclerk who’s more interested in her cell phone chat than in helping you — you’ll need a different strategy.)

You can also skip the conversation if you know it will fall on deaf ears, or if you suspect it will be taken the wrong way. That was the case with Mindel: “I never addressed the issue with Dina because she tends to be defensive. I knew I’d have a better chance of fixing our friendship by changing my actions.” A good litmus test for determining whether or not to start a conversation is first to imagine the worst-case scenario. Then ask yourself, Will our relationship survive? If you’re confident it will, set up a time to talk. If it won’t, try a tactic that’s less confrontational.

Start a Dialogue...

Before you say anything, you have to do a little homework. How exactly do you want the behavior to change? In the long term, what are you expecting from this relationship? Until you can answer those questions, you’re not ready to talk to anyone.

If you fear a bad reaction, plan ahead: “Figure out in advance how you’re going to respond,” advises Fee. “Will you walk away? Breathe deeply until he calms down?” This exercise can also help you focus on what might trigger a heated response.

Make sure no one will interrupt the conversation and pick a time when you’re not hungry or tired, so you can give it your full attention.

...And Follow These Talking Tips

Start the conversation with sincere flattery — it’s especially effective if you’re afraid you’re going to hurt someone’s feelings. With loved ones, “explain that the reason you’re having this talk is that you care so much and want to improve the relationship,” suggests Fee.
Call out the behavior, not the person. “You need to learn how to separate the individual from the act,” Lichtenberg explains. “Confronting someone is not so different from disciplining a kid. You don’t say to your child, ‘You’re bad!’ You say, ‘It’s bad that you drew on the wall.’”
Cite specific examples of what’s bothering you. Avoid vague comments like, “You’re such a snob.” Instead say, “Last week, you made three disparaging comments about the clothes I was wearing.”
Spell out what you want to change. The next time your Freud-wannabe friend tries to be your personal shrink, you can say, “I appreciate your advice, and I know you want to be helpful. But most of the time, I really just want an ear. I’m telling you this because I want to be able to share things with you.”
Request feedback as soon as possible. If you don’t, it can turn into a lecture. Right away ask, “What do you think about what I’ve said?” Or, “Have you been feeling the same way?”
Pay attention to more than your words. “Only 7 percent of communication is what you’re actually saying — the rest is your tone of voice, expression, and body language,” says Kimberly Alyn, author of How to Deal with Annoying People.

Take a Less Direct Approach

Sitting down for a heart-to-heart won’t work with everyone. At times it’s better to resolve an issue in a more roundabout way, even with loved ones. For example, humor can be especially effective. If your sister has a habit of psychoanalyzing you every time you chat, Alyn suggests saying, “Wow, I feel like I should be lying on a couch for this. How much do I owe you?” Here, more ways to fix those frustrating interactions:

Put the difficult person to good use. When Bette Walter, an entrepreneur in Blue Bell, PA, is considering a new business move, she turns to a friend who always shoots down her plans: “I ask her what she thinks before she can tell me what a dumb idea it is. She’s very logical, so it’s helpful.” For know-it-alls, steer the conversation toward a topic you’re interested in, so you can at least learn something until you can make your getaway.
Remember this rule: If you can predict it, you can plan for it. “If you see an incessantly forlorn coworker walking your way, get up and leave your desk,” says Kirschner. “Or pick up the phone and pretend you’re speaking to someone. If you stop listening to her, she’ll eventually stop coming over.”
Get the last word. If someone is giving you unsolicited advice, saying “Thanks” will usually put an end to her rant. When you’re around a braggart, just smile, advises Crowe. Then reply, “Wow, that’s really great. I’m so happy for you.”
Plan an exit strategy. When you can’t get a chatty person off the phone, pretend that you’ve been interrupted by someone else, so you can quickly say, “Sorry, gotta go.”

My ultimate strategy is to remind myself that every strength is a weakness and every weakness, a strength. Yes, my friend Liz is always late, but her time-isn’t-an-issue attitude also makes her relaxed and carefree — and that’s what I love about her. The next time we meet, I plan to bring a good book. Or maybe I’ll just tell her to meet at 11:40 instead of noon, so that we both show up right on time.

Little things do mean a lot. Check out our list of 20 easy tips.

2009-02-12T20:48:00.000+11:00

Ready to drop some weight? The good news is small changes are easy to work into your routine and can add up to make a big difference.

Think baby steps, like swapping milk in your morning coffee for skim milk. There are lots of little changes you can make — in your diet and your daily routine — that will add up to healthy weight loss over the long haul. Take a look at our 20 tips below and take one on board each week.

Eating tips

Good things come in small packages. Cut high-kilojoule foods, such as hard cheese and chocolate into smaller pieces. It will seem like you're getting more than you actually are.

Don't give up dips. If you love creamy dips and sauces, don't cut them out of your diet completely. Just use low-fat sour cream or low-fat mayo instead of full fat.

Get water-wise. Make a habit of reaching for a glass of water instead of coffee or soft drink. It will help your overall health as well as your waistline. Add some zest with a twist of lemon or lime.

Herb it up. Stock up your spice rack and start growing a small herb garden in your kitchen window. Spices and herbs add fantastic flavour to foods without adding fat or kilojoules.

Doggie-bag that dinner. At restaurants, ask the waiter to put half your meal in a doggie bag before bringing it to your table. Putting the food away before you start your meal will help you practise portion control.

Ease your way into produce. If you're new to eating lots of fruits and vegies, start slowly. Just add them to the foods you already enjoy. Chop up fruit and add it to your cereal, or add a few vegies to your favourite pasta dish.

Don't multitask while you eat. If you're working, reading or watching TV while you eat, you won't be paying attention to what's going into your mouth. Every time you sit down for a meal, actually sit down, chew slowly and pay attention to flavours and textures. You'll enjoy your food more and eat less.

Taste something new. Broaden your food repertoire — you may find you like more healthy foods than you knew. Try a new fruit or vegetable (ever had bok choy, dragonfruit or papaya?).

Get to know your portion sizes. It's easy to underestimate how much you're eating. Don't just estimate things — make sure. Ask how much is in a serving, read the fine print on labels, measure your food. And learn portion equivalents: one serving of pasta, for instance, should be around the size of a tennis ball.

Bring lunch to work. Packing lunch will help you control your portion sizes. It also provides a good alternative to restaurants and fast-food options, where making healthy choices every day can be challenging (not to mention expensive).

Have some dessert. You don't have to deny yourself all the time. Have a treat that brings you pleasure, but this time enjoy it guilt-free. Make sure you're practicing portion control, and compensate for your indulgence by exercising a little more or by skipping your afternoon snack.

Ask for what you need. Tell your mother-in-law you don't want seconds. Ask your partner to stop bringing you chocolates. Speak up when your co-workers are picking a restaurant for lunch. Whatever you need to do to succeed at weight loss, ask for it. Make yourself a priority and assert yourself.

Fitness tips

Improve your treadmill technique. When walking on a treadmill, don't grip the rails. It's fine to touch them for balance, but you shouldn't have to hold on. If you do, that might be a signal you should lower the intensity level.

Make the most of your walks. If your walking routine has become too easy, increase your effort by finding hills. Just be sure to tackle them at the beginning of your walk, when you have energy to spare.

Shop 'til you drop. Add a workout to your shopping sessions by parking your car as far from the store as possible, so you'll have to walk further. And try walking up the escalator — getting to your destination faster will be an added bonus.

Walk an extra 100 steps at work. Adding even a little extra exercise to your daily routine can boost your weight loss. Today, take the stairs instead of the elevator, or stroll down the hall to talk to a co-worker instead of sending an e-mail or calling.

Lifestyle tips

Brush your teeth after every meal and snack. This will be a signal to your mouth — and your mind — that it's time to stop eating. Brushing will also give your mouth a nice fresh taste that you'll be disinclined to ruin with a random potato chip.

Clean your closet! First, it's great exercise. Second, it's an important step in changing your attitude. Get rid of all the clothes that make you look or feel bad. Throw out anything that's too big — don't give yourself the option of ever fitting into those clothes again. Move the smaller clothes up to the front to help motivate you.

Walkie talkies. Instead of meeting your friend for the regular coffee and banana bread catch-up, meet at the beach or a local park and go for a walk together. You'll be surprised how much further you can walk when you're not thinking about it.

Take your measurements. You might not like your stats now, but you'll be glad you wrote them down when you see how many centimetres you lose. It's also another way to measure your success, instead of just looking at the scale. Sometimes even when the numbers on the scale aren't going down, the measurements on your body are.

5 Ways to Increase Your Confidence When It Matters Most

2009-02-12T20:47:00.001+11:00

Everyone has fat days, bad-hair days, and days when they don't want to set foot outside the house. But there are times when you just have to suck it up and rally. It's not like you can tell a potential employer that you'd rather do the interview when you're less bloated...or explain to your new guy's parents that you're having an "off" night. "There are ways to shake off insecurities quickly, so you can approach anxiety-inducing situations with confidence and poise," says Sam Horn, author of What's Holding You Back. These tricks will chase away self-doubt.

WHEN YOU'RE FLYING SOLO AT A PARTY...
If you're forced to attend a soiree alone, the fear is that you'll look like a loser with nobody to talk to. But that's so not going to happen if you follow these suggestions.

Get your makeup done beforehand. Even if you're just hitting up a house party, a little professional primping can make you feel more special and pulled together. And you don't have to break the bank — most department-store cosmetic counters offer free makeup applications.

Use the buddy system. While you might not be able to bring a pal to someone else's bash, anything goes at your own place. Invite a good friend or two over for a drink before you head out. Your little preparty will not only relax you for the event ahead, but it'll also remind you that you're a fun, likable person.

Show up armed with compliments. It's totally a mind game, but feeding someone praise not only makes her feel good, but it also gives you an opportunity to strike up a conversation. Approach a girl to rave about her "so cute" bag or amazing necklace. She'll eat it up, then chat you up.

Smile. It's almost too easy, but flashing your pearly whites is one of the best confidence tricks out there. A friendly smile accomplishes two things: It boosts your mood and makes you seem more accessible to other people.

WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO TALK TO A HOT GUY...
You don't want to kick yourself in the ass for letting a hottie get away. These tips will help you make a move.

Try some role-playing. Before hitting the stage, Beyoncé pretends she's a temptress named Sasha. Create a sex-kittenish alter ego who's not afraid to hit on an attractive man and channel her. You want to be subtle here, so don't conjure up Jessica Rabbit.

Ask for an introduction. Have a mutual friend, or the bartender, play mediator and offer to buy him a drink. It's a classic trick because it eases you into conversation and keeps you from losing your nerve.

Draw his eye. Men are visual creatures, with eyes trained to follow movement. Pull his focus to seductive spots on your body by casually running a finger along your neck or over your shoulder. The awareness of his eyes on your skin will make you feel doubly desirable.

Make him laugh. Displaying a sense of humor about yourself will win a guy over every time, so show him the dorky way your dad dances or tell him about a prank that your coworker once pulled on you.

WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO SLEEP WITH A NEW MAN...
(And by sleep, we mean have sex, just so we're clear.) It's only natural to be a little nervous, but he doesn't have to know that.

Get waxed. Opting for a übersexy Brazilian bikini wax can boost your in-bed confidence. Actress Eva Longoria Parker reportedly said that going totally bare down there makes her feel "like Angelina Jolie. It opened the door to a whole new sexual side of me."

Spritz on a new scent. When you wear the same perfume day after day, you eventually just stop smelling it. A new fragrance, especially one that's out of character, can make you feel like a different person — a sultrier version of yourself.

Turn off the lights. If you're busy stressing that your boobs aren't big enough or your butt isn't perfect, you're not going to have a good time. So if doing it in the dark will help quell your anxiety, just hit the damn switch and get on with it!

Play with him. Sex is supposed to be fun. Adopting a playful attitude will alleviate any pressure for things to be movielike and allow you to just be your fabulous self. So challenge him to take your bra off with one hand. It will add a little levity to the situation.

WHEN YOU'RE MEETING HIS PARENTS...
It's not like you're going to the White House, so just be your adorable self.

Cop a "who cares?" 'tude. What's the worst thing that can happen? It's not like you'll have to see them every day. So decide ahead of time that you'll act as nice as you can — what happens from there is out of your hands.

Butter them up. Slip something sweet about their son into the conversation. If he gets up to help his mom, try a line like "He's one of the most considerate guys I've ever met." His parents will warm to you, setting up a camaraderie.

Sit next to them. Grab the seat beside his mom or dad. It's a nonthreatening position, so they won't be quite as intimidating to you.

Take off your shoes. Press your bare feet into the floor and take five deep breaths. This acupressure technique will miraculously relax you.

WHEN YOU'VE GOT A BIG WORK MEETING...
You know you're smart and capable, but job pressures can rattle even cool chicks. In order to be at your very best, you need to calm your nerves and remind yourself just how impressive you are.

Take a short walk. Instead of sitting there stressing, head out for a quick walk around the block. It'll boost your energy and reduce tension, putting you into a more positive and focused state of mind.

Make small talk. According to a study done at the California State University at Long Beach, light chitchat is a stress reliever, especially for women. Gossip with a coworker for a few minutes. The social interaction will ease the pressure and anxiety, so you can walk into the presentation or interview like it's not such a huge deal.

Psych yourself up. Before a big game, athletes will often clap their hands together and rub them back and forth to rev up. This body-language technique gives an energizing, empowering jolt to your brain. So take a page from their playbook and use this trick to get pumped.

THE LOOK OF CONFIDENCE
A self-assured attitude comes from within. But with the right clothes and makeup, you can fake it a little too.

White Teeth
A smile conveys confidence, and you'll be more inclined to flash your bright whites if they're, well, bright white. Or close to it.

High Heels
A hot pair of heels doesn't just add inches to your height, it changes your strut, making you feel sexy, feminine, and in charge.

Red Lips
Not all women can pull off a saturated matte crimson pout. But even glossy ruby-colored lips signal that you're a fearless kind of chick.

How to Stay Positive at Work

2009-02-12T20:45:00.000+11:00

There’s a reason why it’s called a depressed economy. No one enjoys job insecurity or financial crises. Whether you’re frantic about getting fired, bumming out at your 9-5, or working in a doom-and-gloom atmosphere, make sure you follow this advice to do your best and keep spirits up on the job.

Become indispensable.When downsizing poses a threat to your department, passivity can be killer while action is critical. Take this as your opportunity to shine, suggests Adele Sheele, career coach and author of Skills for Success. “In bad times, instead of wallowing, start contributing and see what’s needed,” says Sheele. Organizing task forces, taking on responsibility, and volunteering to head projects shows enthusiasm to your boss (not to mention inspires coworkers to match your gung-ho attitude). A tip from Cathie Black, president of Hearst Magazines: Become more valuable by expanding your skill set to include things that aren’t necessarily part of your job description. Learn new computer programs, or find out what tasks your superiors are responsible for that are unfamiliar to you.

Boost morale. “In the office, negative talk can lead to a downward spiral, which becomes contagious to others around you,” explains Julie Jansen, a career counselor and author of I Don’t Know What I Want, but I Know It’s Not This. Lifting the cloud over your cube can be as simple as saying, “Hey guys, what can we talk about that’s upbeat?” Something that seems little — telling a story or a joke, or asking about other people — can go a long way and change the feeling in the office for the rest of the day.

Come together. “In down times, companies tend to put their employees’ noses to the grindstone even more,” says Jansen. “Encourage social activities like pizza parties or happy hours,” she suggests, as a way to combat pressure and encourage fun. But, don’t think that just because there’s an economic crisis you should stop reaching out once it’s over. “One of the things we saw in 9/11 was strangers coming together to help each other. We don’t need disasters to be better people. You should always be trying to do your best,” Sheele warns.

Do damage control before you need to. Truly worried about the economy having a negative effect on your career? “Now’s not the time to panic or hide from potential insecurities,” advises Jansen. “You should always be networking and have an updated résumé.” In the meantime, think about what you can do to help your boss keep her job. If her position is stable, she’ll be more likely to make sure yours is, too.

The good news. The unemployment rate is still relatively low at 6.1 percent. So while the economy may cause you anxiety, your job is probably safe. Nevertheless, getting your ducks in line, being proactive, and having a plan should make you feel more in control of your professional life and give you some relief. You might even crack a smile.

Hate Valentine's Day? Here's Help!

2009-02-12T20:44:00.000+11:00

No matter if you're happily paired up or just fine flying solo, Valentine's Day hype can be a source of angst. Here are tips on how to avoid being irate on February 14th.

Few holidays arouse the vitriol of Valentine's Day. No matter where you are relationship-wise, you may be feeling the pressure — and a burning desire to swat Cupid right on his little rear end. But take heart (sorry!). Your V-Day sentiments of sadness, anger or simple annoyance are justified, and — more importantly — there are plenty of ways to cope and feel some love this February 14th. Here's how:

If you're suddenly solo…
Breakups suck, but they suck the most right about now. If your relationship just fell apart, even an innocuous Hershey's kiss has the power to sock your self-esteem. "Why do I hate Valentine's Day? Because I'm alone! Thanks for reminding me!" snaps Maura D., 27, who lives near Baltimore. Ease the angst by reaching out to friends and family. "There is love in your life, a lot of it," says Santa Barbara, CA-based marriage therapist and coach Wendy Allen, Ph.D. "Celebrate the people who love you, no matter what." Since V-Day hype can hurt, protect rather than punish yourself. "Have very little media interaction and avoid the public arena if possible, so you're not faced by all the hoopla," suggests Boston-based career and relationship coach Suzanne Blake. "Have friends over for a potluck dinner or to watch DVDs rather than go out to eat or to the movies," amid all the goo-goo-eyed lovers.

If you're a social butterfly …
Maybe you're dating around, having fun — but searching for The One isn't your priority at present. Or maybe you just don't appreciate being told that there's a certain date where you have to rev up the romance. "Valentine's Day makes romance feel like an obligation," says Ruthie A., from Oahu, HI. "Love is not an obligation, and I don't need some overblown money-making business telling me when to do romantic things."

Unfortunately, the V-Day marketing machine is cranked up to give you the guilts. You may even believe the holiday is a conspiracy spearheaded by your mother to get you to settle down. "Like it or not, Valentine's Day is a defining moment — a time to take stock of your love life," says Blake. "It can be hard to go against the grain." If you're really into playing the field, dare to be date-free on V-Day. "Show off your independence by going out solo as you might on any other night of the year or with a buddy," says Blake. "It sends a good message to people less secure about being single."

If you're dating someone new …
There's enough pressure on those who've recently started seeing someone. Then V-Day comes along to up the ante. If you have a new sweetie, you can't help but wonder: "Should I ask him/her out for Valentine's Day? If I do, what does it mean? Is it possible to treat February 14th like any other day? Are gifts, cards, the whole nine yards required?" It's easy to misstep, as did a wealthy client of Blake's who bought a woman he was casually dating expensive earrings as a V-Day gift. "He thought that's what he was supposed to do, but she thought it meant they were a rock-solid couple and put a lot of expectations on the relationship he wasn't ready to deliver on."

Moral of the story? Keep it low-key. "If you're dating someone new, don't ignore the holiday — that won't work," says Allen. "Instead, reframe it. Decide to celebrate your new friendship, not love." One idea: You and your date can buy some stuffed animals (relax! not for each other!) and take them to the children's unit at your local hospital. Doing service with someone offers insight into the person, and being around those less fortunate may make you forget Valentine's Day drama.

If you're contentedly coupled …
Yes, even members of blissful twosomes can abhor the holiday. "I hate Valentine's Day," vents happily married Matt M., 39, from New York City. "You're supposed to feel romantic in the face of all those schlocky pink lace decorations? Yuck. Talk about how to take something special and make it feel silly and commercial!" Adds Catherine E., 38, of Los Angeles, who's engaged: "It isn't enough to make a simple gesture. Now it feels as if you have to show everyone how much you care." In fact, it can feel as if doing less than long-stemmed roses, candlelit dinner, and $40-a-pound truffles is downright uncaring.

When expensive gifts and fancy dinners feel de rigueur, what couple wouldn't want to snuggle at home watching Metalocalypse on DVD? That's definitely an option. As Blake suggests: "Bond by doing the most un-V-day-oriented thing you can think of — have a sports marathon, go shopping for a refrigerator. Dare to break the mold — do something goofy and different to declare your independence as a couple."

By following these tips, hopefully you can break away from feeling beset by Valentine's Day — and enjoy the 14th in an unconventional way.

Kissing Explained !!!

2009-02-12T20:41:00.000+11:00

Kissing Explained

A first kiss should always be done while the two of you are alone. This will help to avoid any unnecessary nervousness and embarrassing situations.
The best type of kiss is one that uses different variations...
such as starting with a small kiss, working into a French Kiss, maybe sucking on your partner's upper or lower lip...

And don't just leave kisses to the lips.
Kiss their cheeks, their chin or their eyelids.
This can be very seductive and romantic.

Basic Kissing Tips

Great Breath - This is very important. Make sure you brush your teeth before going out on your date. There is nothing worse than kissing someone with bad breath.

If your date consists of having something to eat before the actual kiss, make sure you have a mint on hand to take right after you finish eating. Don't take the mint just before the kiss or chew on gum. You don't want to have something in your mouth when you kiss.

Moist Lips - You want your lips to be slightly moist when you kiss. Run your tongue over your lips once before you kiss. Don't wear lip gloss because that tends to make the kiss too gooey.

And don't wear a lot of lipstick unless you want your partner to wear it too after the kiss. Slightly moist lips makes it easier to move your lips over your partner's and gives both you and your partner a more pleasant experience.

Positioning - Stand close to your partner. As the two of you move closer together tilt your head slightly. If you can see which way your partner's head is tilting, tilt your head slightly in the opposite direction.

Close Eyes - Just before your lips meet, close your eyes. Some people prefer to leave their eyes open during the kiss. But until you know what your partner prefers, it is best to close your eyes.

Open Lips - Open your mouth slightly and place your lips over your partner's lips. Do not hold your breath! Breath through your nose. As your lips meet, press them gently over your partner's. You may wish to move your lips in a slow, circular motion or just leave them still over your partners.

Closed Lips - This is like the type of kiss you'd give your grandma or aunt. Instead of opening your mouth when your lips meet, keep them closed. This is also a good way of letting your partner know this is as far as it goes. It also makes a great hello/good-bye kiss or a great first time kiss if you're nervous.

French Kissing

This is the most popular type of kiss. This involves touching your tongue with your partner's and it can be quite a pleasant experience. There are a few tips to create a great french kiss.

Open Lips - Open your lips over your partner's slightly more than you would during a regular kiss. This makes it easier to place your tongue in your partner's mouth.

Tongue - Place the tip of your tongue on the tip of your partner's tongue. Do not force your tongue too far into their mouth. If you wish, you can play with their tongue by circling theirs with your own. Have fun with it. Explore.

Lips - You may explore different ways of using your tongue. Try running the tip of your tongue over your partner's lips. Do this slowly and gently, just using the tip of your tongue.

Suck Kissing

This can be a very seductive type of kiss. Instead of French Kissing with your mouth open, while your partner's lips are parted suck on their top our bottom lip with your own, just for a second or two. Then go back to another type of kiss or try the other lip.

Nip Kissing

This type of kiss has to be done carefully, but when done correctly can create a wonderful effect on your date. While suck kissing, gently bite their lip, but be VERY gentle so as not to hurt your date / partner. This kiss should only be done with someone that you've kissed a few times before, otherwise you may shock your partner.

Surprise Kissing

This type of kiss is done when your partner is lying down on a sofa or the ground, either asleep or just lying with their eyes closed. Quietly approach your partner and place a small, very gentle kiss on their lips. Intensify the kiss until your partner opens their eyes or awakens.

Want to be rich? Here's how..

2009-02-12T20:40:00.000+11:00

Getting rich is much simpler than most would realize. In fact, we really need to define the word "rich" before we go on, so you can see what I see as we go through this book.

Most people's only relationship with money is of never having enough. Most people live a "paycheck-to- paycheck" existence, and use this month's paycheck to pay off last month's bills.

A paycheck, no matter how big, cannot be defined as wealth or riches. So often people seem to mistake getting a bigger paycheck or salary for getting richer. Nothing could be further from the truth for more than 95 percent of the population. As you well know, most people spend every dollar they earn, and then some.

The fist stage in your quest for riches is to get yourself to a stage where you've made enough investments over time to give you what I call a passive income rather than a paycheck existence. In other words, your investments and businesses make money whether you get out of bed or not.

Cashflow

Most people rely solely on their jobs for their cashflow. Notice I don't use the word income. You see income seems to imply some level of work or activity involved, and one of the central themes of everything you'll learn from me is that one of the keys to riches is actually having others do the word for you. By the way, job is just an acronym for "Just Over Broke."

Having a normal job, whether it's in your own business or someone else's, severely limits your cashflow capabilities. Here's why. It's possible to work only so many hours per day and make so many dollars per hour for your own personal labor. Thus a paycheck can be only for the number of hours you've worked multiplied by your hourly rate.

Assets

I make my money (cashflow) in business. And I keep my money (assets) growing in property. I love property for so many reasons, but let me be clear that the focus of this book is not property (for more on this, read my book The Real Estate Coach); its focus is business. I'll keep that focus because one thing has become blatantly obvious to me when watching people going about wealth creation.

Buying property is easy. In fact, there are literally hundreds of companies waiting to show you what you should invest in (we'll cover that in just a moment and thousands of great books on the subject. However, most people have a major problem with their ability to invest in a property or two every month.

They don't have the cashflow.

Their jobs only really allow them to buy another property every few years. To get rich, and to get rich fast, you need more cashflow. More, so you can buy more assets at a much faster pace.

Get into Debt

That's right, debt is good, especially when it's paid for by someone else, and when it's buying me an appreciable asset. Debt for stuff is bad. In fact, if you keep buying stuff all your life, you can easily guess what you end up with: STUFF.

A simple aside here: Land appreciates in value and buildings depreciate in value. Thus, invest in the dirt more than the building. That's why I don't like units, unless I own the whole block.

So, why is debt good?

Put very simply, it's this: If you invest $20,000 cash into a $100,000 property, you borrow $80,000 and we assume with the rental income and tax benefits, your mortgage (generally interest only for at least the first three to give years) and other expenses should balance out.

Lies, Lies, and More Lies

Let's start with an oldie but a goodie.

Pay off your own home first. This has got to be one of the most insane pieces of advice I have ever come across. Let's take a look back in history to find out why.

Back in 1929 when the stock market started to tumble, several things all came together to cause a new paradigm around owning your own home outright.

I'll make this overly simplistic to illustrate the point.

The markets tumbled by approximately 30 percent in just one day. This wasn't such a bad thing in and of itself, but the majority of investors had borrowed about 90 per cent of their investment funds.

As a result, they now owed more than their stocks were worth. Their leaders made what is referred to as a "margin call" and asked for more cash to secure their investments. This in turn led to a run on the banks for cash.

You guessed it; the banks ran dry.

At the time the average house was priced around $4000 or $5000, and a common clause in mortgage documents gave the banks the right to demand full and final payment at any time. So, when the banks needed cash to give to borrowers who needed to pay for their shares, they called in the home loans.

But, as is the case today, most of us don't have the price of our house sitting around in cash. The writing was on the wall.

The banks started repossessing houses and putting people onto the street. The brokers started to sell the stocks and shares to recoup their money, but there was one major problem.

No one had the money to buy either the repossessed houses or the shares no matter what the price. So, everything became relatively worthless, prices tumbled, people starved, yet one group survived with a roof over their heads - those who had paid off their own homes entirely.

So, from that generation on, "Pay off your home first, then you'll be safe and secure," became firmly entrenched as a piece of sound advice.

Three tips to beat Monday blues

2009-02-01T00:50:00.000+11:00

One morning, I woke up savouring the freshness of the golden sunlight, enjoying the sun's rays filtering through my window. The first thought that popped into my mind was: "Thank God it's Monday!"

I was startled by my own thought. While the whole world is grumbling and groaning about Monday, unwilling to let go of lovely, lazy Sunday, here I was, chirping about the first working day of the week.

And why not? If it is Monday, it means the shops will be open, the government offices will function, the courier service will bring that much-awaited parcel. And life will move on full-speed. Isn't that cause for jubilation?

Contemporary man is completely sold to the idea of the weekend and, therefore, horrified by the idea of working seven days a week. People drag themselves through workdays so they can relax in the evenings. They endure the week so they can have the weekend.

They work through the year so that they can go on leave at the end of the year. If we stretch the logic a little further, they put up with life so that they can relax in death.

Instead of justifying the need for a holiday, let us look at the quality of our working life.

Perhaps some Osho insights can help change the way we work.

The basic question is, do you enjoy your work?

Do you work wishing you could do something else? Is your work a necessary evil -- to earn a living or to fulfil ambition?

1. What and how

What you do is not important, it is how you do it. Whatever you do, do it with deep alertness; then even small things become sacred. You can clean the floor like a robot; you have to clean it, so you clean it.

But it could have been a great experience; you missed it.

You cleaned the floor and that would have cleansed you. Clean the floor full of awareness; be luminous with awareness.

2. Remember yourself

One thing has to be a continuous thread: remember yourself.

While walking, say, "I am walking." While sitting, say, "I am sitting."

And feel the shift in your awareness. There will be a sudden spark.

3. Are you a perfectionist?

Beware! What counts is being total, not perfect. This brings out the best in you. The very idea of perfectionism drives people crazy. The perfectionist is bound to be neurotic. S/he cannot enjoy life till s/he is perfect. And perfection never happens, it is not in the nature of things.

Life is imperfect. Only death is perfect. Totality is possible, perfection is not possible.

There is a huge difference between perfection and totality. Perfection is a goal for the future, totality is an experience now. If you can get into any act with your whole heart, you are total. Totality brings wholeness, health and sanity. The perfectionist forgets about totality. There is a big gap between how s/he is and how s/he wants to be. And, of course, change can't happen now, it is always tomorrow or the day after. So life is postponed. These are small tools, but they will help you see the gap between workdays and holidays decreasing. You will eagerly wait for work to begin.

And then you'll also say: "Thank God it's Monday!"

Cheap and Easy Ways to Get Happy

2009-02-01T00:46:00.000+11:00

There's good news in the joy business these days: Recent research suggests it's not a fancy lifestyle that makes people happy. "Rather, any effortless pleasure or thing that strengthens social bonds or gives you a positive sense of control has measurable mental benefits," says Leaf Van Boven, associate professor of psychology at the University of Colorado at Boulder. So we teased out the latest tips from positive-psychology pros. They’re all easy and potent...and most don’t cost a dime.

Flower Power

A cheap sunflower stem for your desk gives a bunch of benefits in one. It has associations with the sun and an almost human-looking face, and the color of its petals has been shown to evoke positive emotions. Plus, people with plants in their offices actually feel happier about their jobs, according to a new study in HortScience.

Give a Pup a Massage

Just hanging around an animal has been shown to reduce stress and lower your blood pressure. But if Fido is high-strung, you can both benefit from rubbing him down, starting around his neck and moving down his spine in small circular movements. He’ll be relaxed and ready to unleash more of that unconditional love. Plus, you’ll get a boost from making another creature feel great.

Take the Long Way Home

Routines comfort humans, but ironically, switching them up and making them more novel also creates positive emotions. Once a week, throw a curve into your commute by swinging by a park on the way home or taking a river road to enjoy the scenery.

Gleeful Eating

Who doesn’t love to chow? Follow these tips to get an even bigger mood boost from your meals.

1. Choose a white plate. Its clean palette accentuates the positive emotions you get from looking at a variety of hues and focuses your senses, making food taste better.

2. Color code your meals. A rainbow of colors makes you happy, but red may trigger you to eat more, so add yellow corn, some peppers, purple eggplant, and a sprig of mint or parsley.

3. Order first at a restaurant. After the first person goes, others tend to choose differently and wind up less satisfied with their pick, says Dan Ariely, PhD, author of Predictably Irrational.

Love Notes 101

Firing one off to your man or even a great friend can bring you a feeling of contentment, says financial adviser Brent Kessel, author of It’s Not About the Money. So we brought in singer-songwriter Ingrid Michaelson, whose romantic songs are iTunes best sellers, to help craft the perfect one.

1. Know your subject. If the object of your affection loves a certain food, color, quote, or animal, write about that. Be specific.

2. Avoid the words heart, soul, rose, forever, and die. All are grossly overused and make you seem unoriginal.

3. Don’t rhyme. Ever.

4. Illustrations are always cool.

5. Make him/her smile. Laughter is the best aphrodisiac.

Just Say No

The happiest people feel they have power over their time, says David G. Myers, author of The Pursuit of Happiness. Say “Sorry, I’m already booked” to a distant cousin’s shower or a nonessential work lunch.

Light a Scented Candle for No Reason

Stop saving your pretty pillar for entertaining and hookups. (What, you alone aren’t worth it?) Burn that thing to wick’s end, especially in a scent like lavender or green apple, which have been proven to lift your mood.

Eat Nostalgic Snacks

You sorta recall loving Fruit Roll-Ups or s’mores as a kid, but chances are, it’s been a million years since you’ve had them. Let us reintroduce you to their selling points: (a) Yum, and (b) the taste flashback brings up the sweet memories linked to these treats.

Set an Absurdly Easy Goal

Even if it’s just Get to work on time, Clean out wallet, or Make homemade vinaigrette, “accomplishments, no matter how insignificant, strengthen your sense of control over your life, and happiness is a by-product of feeling in control,” says psychologist John Reich, PhD.

Flake

Let that mountain of laundry slide for a weekend, and instead, simply read a great book or take a walk in nature. If you can’t hang out at home without guilt, apartment-sit for a pal. “Most of us are wired to do things to make ourselves happy, but just being in the moment creates joy,” says Kessel.

Find Your Perfect Hue

Painting a wall at home can have a mood-boosting effect, says psychologist Nancy J. Stone, PhD, who studies the impact of color. It’s thought that blue is calming (ideal for bedrooms) and green creates a relaxed feeling (good for living rooms). Yellow is said to be cheery — a great kitchen hue.

Go for a Run

Scientists recently confirmed the existence of the endorphin-fueled runner’s high, so get out there and go till you hit your wall. Then ride the exercise buzz...and the sense of satisfaction, whether you made it 1 mile or 10.

Crack Open a Cold One Postsweat

After Ultimate Frisbee with pals, try drinking a beer. It can actually help you rehydrate and prevent muscle pain, says a University of Granada study.

The Secret To Power Dressing

2009-01-31T05:45:00.000+11:00

The Reagan years may have been the breeding ground for greed and materialism, but it was also in this decade that the term "power dressing" was coined. Back then, the notion referred to the use of expensive clothes with sharp, hard lines that were destined to make people look assertive and angular.

Now, almost twenty years later, the concept is still very much alive even if the '80s are long gone. More than ever, we live in an era of appearances and power dressing. It's all about looking the part and projecting the right image. If you look like a million bucks, it shouldn't take long for you to make that much.

DRESS FOR THE JOB

If you don't want to be perceived as radical, you should always dress according to the type of work you do. Conservative careers warrant conservative dress. While this rule has taken a relaxed stance over the last few years, it's still very much in effect. Mostly, this is to put your clients at ease. Picture a banker: Would you trust him with your hard-earned money if he were wearing jeans and sandals?

On the other hand, liberal professions call for a more laid-back wardrobe. Some of these people are actually suspiciously regarded when they dress too conventionally. For example, only studio executives are expected to wear suits to work in Hollywood. Filmmakers who do so are immediately believed to lack creativity.

With the advent of the dot-com industry, casual dress was spurred forward. In a short time, the trend took over and conservative businesses encouraged their employees to be more lax in their attire. But with the Internet hemorrhage of late, it seems like the trend is now back to suits.

CLIMATE-FRIENDLY CLOTHES

Rest assured, you don't need to wear navy pinstripes all the time. When summer comes, you can wear lighter colors and still project power. If the area you live in is home to a tropical climate, you can still wear all the colors you want, just choose lighter fabrics. Just remember that short-sleeve dress shirts became extinct in the '60s and you should never be seen wearing one at work.

TIES, BE BOLD

In addition to color coordination (yes, your tie should match your shirt), you should take great care in your tie selection process. Solid colors and striped ties are essential as they are stylish and still conservative. If you want to be more aggressive, pick out designer ties or funkier patterns.

Remember that this is power dressing, not I-want-to-be-a-wallflower dressing. You're the man and you want everybody to know it.

ACCESSORIZE TO INCREASE SIZE

If you don't accessorize, you are not a serious power dresser. It would be like putting on a façade over a hollow shell. You need to play the part all the way. Cufflinks and tiepins are always noticed. They are accessories that don't necessarily fill an indispensable function but they certainly get spotted. Wear cologne that is rooted in tradition and doesn't scream for attention.

Consider wearing a folded handkerchief in your breast pocket. It should be cotton and remember that white is the traditional color. A real-leather wallet is essential. Every time you pull it out, people will note your appreciation for the finer things in life and you'll be respected for it. Similarly, an elegant watch should complete your outfit. Brand names always leave an impression, but think sophistication first and foremost.

THE RIGHT SHOES ARE ESSENTIAL

Again, you must be stylish through and through. While comfort should definitely be one of the deciding factors, aim for leather footwear. If possible, avoid rubber soles and opt for leather ones instead. Black, brown and oxblood (i.e. burgundy) are your color options.

Always make sure they are properly shined, as dirty luxurious shoes are as useful as wearing Bermuda shorts to a board meeting. You can even take advantage of these shoe-shining moments to catch up on the office gossip. Shoe shining professionals are fountains of knowledge as they're constantly present during people's conversations.

QUALITY FIRST

It's a given that your clothes should look good but you shouldn't discard quality. It's easy to save a few dollars for something that looks good but that would never pass a quality insurance test. Spend a little more money to get garments that will not only last you a long time but will enhance your image. Tailor-made suits and shirts of high-quality fabrics don't just cost more; they'll make you feel different in all respects. You'll look better and feel a lot classier. Quality is worth it.

WHAT'S YOUR GOAL?

Before slipping into your clothes, take a moment to ask yourself what you want to achieve with this particular attire. Do you want to intimidate a colleague? Do you want to impress a superior? Or perhaps you want to put a client at ease?

Whatever your objective, you must unquestionably think about it beforehand and establish a game plan to sort out all the details. You might even want to reconsider how your nails and facial hair are presented.

PREPARE EARLY

You should never pick out your clothes at the last minute. Always select your outfit the night before, prior to hitting the sack. Keeping in mind what tomorrow's purpose will be, decide on the dress that will fit the bill best.

Take time to inspect these clothes to make sure they are free of wrinkles and stains. The meeting is not the place to become aware of these imperfections.

YOU'RE THE MAN

You don't have to hire a fashion consultant to help you furnish your wardrobe. All you have to do is befriend a salesperson at your favorite clothing store. They'll be able to give you unbiased opinions and help you pick out the right garb. Besides, being a loyal customer can ensure that you'll be the first to know when new merchandise comes in, or when a big sale is taking place.

What will be left for you to perform is the demeanor. Looking like a million bucks means nothing if you don't act like it as well. Walk the walk and talk the talk. Remember that if you feel good in your clothes, you'll feel a lot more confident. And that's half the battle.

10 Essential Health Tips

2009-01-31T05:03:00.000+11:00

Lets start my blog with healthy ;-)

"He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything." -Arabian Proverb

1. Move More
Make it a daily challenge to find ways to move your body. Climb stairs if given a choice between that and escalators or elevators. Walk your dog; chase your kids; toss balls with friends, mow the lawn. Anything that moves your limbs is not only a fitness tool, it's a stress buster. Think 'move' in small increments of time. It doesn't have to be an hour in the gym or a 45-minute aerobic dance class or tai chi or kickboxing. But that's great when you're up to it. Meanwhile, move more. Thought for the day: Cha, Cha, Cha…. Then do it!

2. Cut Fat
Avoid the obvious such as fried foods, burgers and other fatty meats (i.e. pork, bacon, ham, salami, ribs and sausage). Dairy products such as cheese, cottage cheese, milk and cream should be eaten in low fat versions. Nuts and sandwich meats, mayonnaise, margarine, butter and sauces should be eaten in limited amounts. Most are available in lower fat versions such as substitute butter, fat free cheeses and mayonnaise. Thought for the day: Lean, mean, fat-burning machine…. Then be one!

3. Quit Smoking
The jury is definitely in on this verdict. Ever since 1960 when the Surgeon General announced that smoking was harmful to your health, Americans have been reducing their use of tobacco products that kill. Just recently, we've seen a surge in smoking in adolescents and teens. Could it be the Hollywood influence? It seems the stars in every movie of late smoke cigarettes. Beware. Warn your children of the false romance or 'tough guy' stance of Hollywood smokers. Thought for the day: Give up just one cigarette…. the next one.

4. Reduce Stress
Easier said than done, stress busters come in many forms. Some techniques recommended by experts are to think positive thoughts. Spend 30 minutes a day doing something you like. (i.e.,Soak in a hot tub; walk on the beach or in a park; read a good book; visit a friend; play with your dog; listen to soothing music; watch a funny movie. Get a massage, a facial or a haircut. Meditate. Count to ten before losing your temper or getting aggravated. Avoid difficult people when possible. Thought for the day: When seeing red, think pink clouds….then float on them.

5. Protect Yourself from Pollution
If you can't live in a smog-free environment, at least avoid smoke-filled rooms, high traffic areas, breathing in highway fumes and exercising near busy thoroughfares. Exercise outside when the smog rating is low. Exercise indoors in air conditioning when air quality is good. Plant lots of shrubbery in your yard. It's a good pollution and dirt from the street deterrent. Thought for the day: 'Smoke gets in your eyes'…and your mouth, and your nose and your lungs as do pollutants….hum the tune daily.

6. Wear Your Seat Belt
Statistics show that seat belts add to longevity and help alleviate potential injuries in car crashes. Thought for the day: Buckle down and buckle up.

7. Floss Your Teeth
Recent studies make a direct connection between longevity and teeth flossing. Nobody knows exactly why. Perhaps it's because people who floss tend to be more health conscious than people who don't? Thought for the day: Floss and be your body's boss.

8. Avoid Excessive Drinking
While recent studies show a glass of wine or one drink a day (two for men) can help protect against heart disease, more than that can cause other health problems such as liver and kidney disease and cancer. Thought for the day: A jug of wine should last a long time.

9. Keep a Positive Mental Outlook
There's a definitive connection between living well and healthfully and having a cheerful outlook on life. Thought for the day: You can't be unhappy when you're smiling or singing.

10. Choose Your Parents Well
The link between genetics and health is a powerful one. But just because one or both of your parents died young in ill health doesn't mean you cannot counteract the genetic pool handed you. Thought for the day: Follow these basic tips for healthy living and you can better control your own destiny.